I just went on /lgbt/ and what if I am just insane… that place seems more honest about it… about ugliness, messed up sexuality, feeling sick, being an incels trying to cope, feeling like freaks… its a place where the idea that being trans is actually something real isn’t accepted compared with here…
And it makes me ask myself… what if they are right?
What if I’m just a male incel with delusions, a messed up sexuality, social retardation, too much internet access to early, trauma and mental illness…
Am I actually trans, is being trans even a thing? Besides passoids, transness is just ugly, always… at least thats what people say…
Lookism is also important, maybe the most important thing… if you are not pretty… you don’t deserve love
Right?
shut up
literally 😭
I’m going to name myself dysphoria girl but I’m too much of a pussy to take estrogen… And I’m still going to take out my insecurities on everyone else… I want reassurance but I can’t ask for it normally I HAVE to say outlandish and disgusting things about trannies…
I haven’t changed… I thought I did… I really thought I did change after therapy… but my bpd still makes me act in horrible ways and all I can say is that I’m sorry…
I don’t want to say these things… I just want to know why they are NOT true… but I don’t know how to formulate that… why aren’t all these things true about us…
That’s all I want to know because my mind keeps hurting me by saying they are true.
there are politer and more considerate ways to ask that question that dont insult all the rest of us. if you look around you can see we all struggle with these insecurities
You are right about that… I’m sorry… my mind just jumps to black and white so fast… I still have so much in me from the time I was really transphobic and the fears that all the ugly things they said are true is very present…
I will try to not post without thinking first. I also edited the post
I’m sorry
You know what’s the fun thing? None of this alleviates dysphoria.
Alice, am I a bad person? I am sorry for my behavior… I really am… I just can’t change it. But I wish I could. I’m so sorry for all of this
No, you’re a victim of severe abuse and indoctrination. And like all victims of abuse you have an elevated chance of inflicting the same abuse you suffered onto others. This is an explanation, but not a justification. Speaking badly about all of us because of self-loathing is not right.
I don’t want to abuse anybody… I’ve hurt too many people in my life but my stupid fucked up BPD ass keeps abusing others because I am so insecure…
I will avoid language like “we” from now on… but I’m not sure that’s enough…
You should honestly seek therapy for some kind of deprogramming like the one cult victims get because in my opinion you’re pretty much that.
I can’t pay for that… I wouldn’t even know where to find that… that’s not a thing you can just get. But I will start DBT soon but I’m not sure it’ll help
I respect that you are actually seeking therapy.
you’re as trans as all of us and don’t you think we deserve to transition? you do too
But it won’t work… transition is a lie… a made up pipedream… an escapist fantasy… only 1% of all trans people end up passing and that’s if they were lucky or transitioned early…
What if I’m not real and this is all just me trying to escape the pain of my life… I’m just an incel trannymaxxer but it will only get worse and not better… I will never be a good person.
Shut the fuck up…
don’t be mean i don’t think it will help her :(
im fed up with her saying this shit. its obnoxious
you are within your right as well. i don’t feel like it’s good to call her obnoxious idk if i was called that it would make me feel absolutely awful and i don’t think that’s gonna reduce the behavior you’re fed up with… that’s all
im saying it BECAUSE if i was called that i would feel absolutely awful too. it would make me think about what i was saying and how it made other people feel
sorry, i don’t mean to be a pansy faggot
I’m sorry… i didn’t think about the consequences of my actions
it might be good for both of u for u to block her honestly
No, she has every right to be mean… I’m not a good person and I know that
she is fed up because she doesn’t want you to keep hurting and keep staying off hrt. not because you’re a bad person. just because you’re venting how you feel, your ““internalized transphobia”” doesn’t make you a bad person but only makes those particular views things that should change. You SHOULD be allowed to vent these anyways and if you want to get less reaction in the future you can try spoilering it.
I’m sorry… I wish I could make you proud instead of angry with me… I wish I wasn’t hateable… I wish you didn’t need to be angry with me… I am so sorry
then stop fucking saying im evil and sick and perverted you piece of shit you dont know me
I just feel that way about myself. I’m sorry
I never thought you are that way…
I’m sorry… I don’t think you are that way
how ugly we are, how sexually sick we are, how we are just male incels trying to cope, how we are freaks…
stop saying “we”. dont bring me into that shit.
I’m sorry… my wording was bad… please don’t be angry with me… I’m really sorry
Only 1% of all trans people end up passing
Any reliable source of this statistics besides your crippling dysphoria and insecurity?
Vibes… idk… I’ve heard it once…somewhere
im sorry…i want you to know i feel the same way often. but it gets better. this line of thinking is NOT the truth
Why isn’t it the truth… everybody keeps talking about how much their life sucks… about how ugly they are… about how we are all sick… we are honest here… maybe on 4chan they are even more honest because they say it… they say it all…
All this is just painful delusion…
What proof do we have that we are real
the funny thing is there’s no such thing as “real” we’re just a bunch of humans who feel a bunch of pain and there’s a well known way to reduce the pain (transition). it doesn’t go any deeper than that. Some people, in their mind, do feel it goes deeper than that for them, and they can continue to feel that way. But it’s a matter of belief. Like religion vs atheism. For me. I am having to put less weight into the meaningfulness/realness of transitioning and just focus on what I want. Meaning should come from getting what you want not some special fact that means you deserve to get it
I’m just very tired right now again… very very tired and can’t think very well… sorry
it’s okay. is getting some rest an option?
It won’t help. But I will try
well i’m not im just a girl who got really really unlucky speak for yourself hon
I’m sorry that i am a hon… I didn’t choose to be this way… to be ugly and unlovable… I’m sorry
Would you be willing to apply those thoughts to the people here too?
Why wouldn’t you all apply them to yourself… because if you feel like you wouldn’t… then you are all just more pure than me… then yes you al maybe are really trans but me… I’m not even a person… I’m not even a full human being.
No i mean would you also think the same about the people here? If you believe being trans is a gross fetish or something, do you think everyone else here is a gross fetishist too? Or only you? Because then you’re not following through with that belief, you only think that way to hate yourself
I believe that there are good people and bad people and maybe most people here are good… but I don’t feel like I’m good…
Idk… maybe… I used to believe people don’t know what’s best for them… we often don’t know what’s good for us, right… so maybe we all need help…
I don’t feel diagsutg towards anybody here… maybe we just need help or therapy. I feel empathy, sadness
I just don’t feel okay… the world doesn’t make sense to me… things aren’t stable
Unless your personal circumstances make it impossible you just need to get on hrt girl 😭 this is starting to feel like learned helplessness, you doom here and get to make up excuses as to why you shouldn’t transition, you need to get over yourself and give yourself a chance at life
I just need it all to be justified, legitimate, for the world to make sense again, it used to make sense but now it’s all just incomprehensible
I don’t want a chance at life… I want it to stop… I’m sorry… I’m a bad person… I’m very sorry.
If you want to die you might as well try hrt you have LITERALLY NOTHING to lose then. But in the end it’s still up to you, no one can force you to do the right thing. It’s sad to watch you like this though
I’m sorry…
