I just went on /lgbt/ and what if I am just insane… that place seems more honest about it… about ugliness, messed up sexuality, feeling sick, being an incels trying to cope, feeling like freaks… its a place where the idea that being trans is actually something real isn’t accepted compared with here…
And it makes me ask myself… what if they are right?
What if I’m just a male incel with delusions, a messed up sexuality, social retardation, too much internet access to early, trauma and mental illness…
Am I actually trans, is being trans even a thing? Besides passoids, transness is just ugly, always… at least thats what people say…
Lookism is also important, maybe the most important thing… if you are not pretty… you don’t deserve love
Right?
I’m going to name myself dysphoria girl but I’m too much of a pussy to take estrogen… And I’m still going to take out my insecurities on everyone else… I want reassurance but I can’t ask for it normally I HAVE to say outlandish and disgusting things about trannies…
I haven’t changed… I thought I did… I really thought I did change after therapy… but my bpd still makes me act in horrible ways and all I can say is that I’m sorry…
I don’t want to say these things… I just want to know why they are NOT true… but I don’t know how to formulate that… why aren’t all these things true about us…
That’s all I want to know because my mind keeps hurting me by saying they are true.
there are politer and more considerate ways to ask that question that dont insult all the rest of us. if you look around you can see we all struggle with these insecurities
You are right about that… I’m sorry… my mind just jumps to black and white so fast… I still have so much in me from the time I was really transphobic and the fears that all the ugly things they said are true is very present…
I will try to not post without thinking first. I also edited the post