I just went on /lgbt/ and what if I am just insane… that place seems more honest about it… about ugliness, messed up sexuality, feeling sick, being an incels trying to cope, feeling like freaks… its a place where the idea that being trans is actually something real isn’t accepted compared with here…
And it makes me ask myself… what if they are right?
What if I’m just a male incel with delusions, a messed up sexuality, social retardation, too much internet access to early, trauma and mental illness…
Am I actually trans, is being trans even a thing? Besides passoids, transness is just ugly, always… at least thats what people say…
Lookism is also important, maybe the most important thing… if you are not pretty… you don’t deserve love
Right?
Alice, am I a bad person? I am sorry for my behavior… I really am… I just can’t change it. But I wish I could. I’m so sorry for all of this
No, you’re a victim of severe abuse and indoctrination. And like all victims of abuse you have an elevated chance of inflicting the same abuse you suffered onto others. This is an explanation, but not a justification. Speaking badly about all of us because of self-loathing is not right.
I don’t want to abuse anybody… I’ve hurt too many people in my life but my stupid fucked up BPD ass keeps abusing others because I am so insecure…
I will avoid language like “we” from now on… but I’m not sure that’s enough…
You should honestly seek therapy for some kind of deprogramming like the one cult victims get because in my opinion you’re pretty much that.
I can’t pay for that… I wouldn’t even know where to find that… that’s not a thing you can just get. But I will start DBT soon but I’m not sure it’ll help
I respect that you are actually seeking therapy.