It doesn’t help anybody…
I am for example depressed, have trauma and lead an unhappy life with no purpose and that is filled with feelings of deep inadequacy.
And I ask myself… could it be that I want to be trans just because the idea of being a woman due to trauma has become something that feels safer to me (even if I’m man) than the idea of being with a woman and my wish to transition is just so I can fulfill some deep seated need… essentially instead of feeling adequate and confident enough to express my attraction to a woman and love a woman in a relationship, I instead try to love myself as a woman because I’m scared of failing or being inadequate as a heterosexual man
That plus my father’s abuse due to his extreme hypermasculine expectations and my sexual trauma from pornography have made me afraid and alienated from the idea of being a man and from heterosexuality.
And then I developed dysphoria after the fact… I literally said “okay I want to be a woman because I think then I can fulfill this deep seated need, but trans women need to have dysphoria so now I should start to feel dysphoria” and then and only then after starting to imitate what people said they were dysphoric about, did I start feeling it which to me seems like I induced dysphoria artificially.
Why… why isn’t that a viable explanation!
Who are you trying to convince here? Do you want us to give you permission to be cis? If you really believe it to be the case, then just go be cis. I think you are wrong about that, but I don’t think there is any combination of words I could find that would convince you. Whatever happens is going to have to come from you, ultimately. I don’t think anyone can give you what you are asking for.
I think… I am trying to convince myself… or maybe others… I am not sure… I definelty have felt before like I wanted people to give me permission to be trans… maybe it is similar know… to be quite honest… what I really want is for somebody to take the weight of all of this away but of course nobody can do that… it is kind of horrific… cause no answer makes me feel okay… If somebody says… “you are trans” then I immediately feel that need to voice all kinds of objections and even now after a year of pain, I cannot settle with that statement and that makes me feel uncomfortable… but if somebody also says something like “ok, nevermind, you are cis” then that also gives me a weird and uncomfortable unsatisfied and scared feeling…
I don’t think there is any combination of words I could find that would convince you.
I am not looking for magic words. I really just need somebody to talk with… maybe I also am just extremely desperate for any connection and any bit of love. I just need a hug, God damn it… I just feel like I am falling apart and i just want somebody to tell me what is the right thing here and for that to make sense to my brain but nothing makes any sense.
It’s not wrong for you to want that, and I wish that you could have some relief.
But all this stuff you’ve been saying sounds like repper cope to me. I have 25 years of experience with it. All of it just seems like you want to find some way to cope with the misery of not transitioning. And I get why, because there is a lot of bad in transitioning. But repping gets so much worse! But I’ve already told you that, so I’m not sure what else to do.
People being dismissive of your pseudoscientistific ramblings is not the same as a “cult like mentality” lmao
Yeah but saying “there is never a different explanation than you are a troon” is…
ok, if you give me an explanation that isnt complete pseudoscientific nonsense ill engage lmao
bitch imma come over and inject 20mg e into your subq fat
I’m serious… why doesn’t anybody take me serious… I am asking genuinely why this explanation couldn’t explain my situation but people just say it doesn’t without explaining why it supposedly isn’t a good explanation.
no amount of trauma can make you want to be a woman
That is an unrealistic blanket statement that definelty is not true and to say it with such confidence is literally proof that people here accept this as dogma.
it’s 100% true, that’s just not how trauma works
That’s nonsense?
If I have boy and I mistreat and severely abuse him his entire life and raise him next to a sister and I decide to abuse him and tell him he’s evil and horrible and also specifically tell him that I am abusing him because he’s a boy and deserves that because of him being a boy.
And then in comparison I give an overwhelming amount of love to his sister and tell him I’m doing it because she’s a girl and he’s not and she deserves it because she’s a girl and he doesn’t because he’s a boy…
Then it’s very reasonable for him to develop the desire to be a girl due to wanting to also get love…
There you go… counter example.
It’s just not true what you said
that’s not what’s actually going to happen, he will hate you for being mistreated but won’t think about taking e
trauma is very messy, it won’t be a clear desire like the desire to transition
Interesting reddit posts…
But what if my desire to transition isn’t “clear” because as you can all clearly tell… I’m not like 100% certain of just going ahead and doing it and that being the right choice… my desire isn’t “clear”…
dear god. The reason you don’t think you felt dysphoria before doesn’t matter. If you think you have dysphoria right now then you are trans. Stop thinkinf so deeply about, things don’t have to be this confusing.
Whatever, just tell me if u ever decide to get on hrt. Until then, it’d be better for me to just block and stop engaging with all this tbh.
it’d be better for me to just block and stop engaging with all this tbh.
Please don’t block me… you’re literally punishing me simply for disagreeing and having a complicated situation… that’s not nice
I HAVE argued with you before multiple times, some of them you just told me you were being unreasonable, some of them we just ‘agreed to disagreed’. It doesn’t really matter, nothing I say will be that satisfying ‘explanation’ that makes everything crystal clear to you.
I understand… you don’t need to engage with it anymore but please don’t block me
Stop thinkinf so deeply
Isn’t this literally dogmatic and cultish… imagine you talk about you being trans and your feelings and experiences and how you feel this is all to you explainable and somebody simply dismisses you being telling you…
“You’re just an effeminate man, don’t think about it too deeply. It’s not that complicated.”
Wouldn’t that also be unfair…
Here’s the thing tho, you have been doing this same thing for 3 months straight and I can’t just argue with you on all these posts with multiple paragraphs. Maybe you’ll have to figure these things yourself, or someone else will be there to entertain your ramblings, I don’t know. The point is, you can keep doing the same thing over and over again as much as you like, but it gets tiring and I’d rather not see it atp.
I am sorry you are right about it… but this time it’s different. This is genuine and not fueled by self hatred. I am sorry if I have overwhelmed you in the past…
People don’t accept any explanation besides „vaccine“ for covid and it’s harmful because maybe some people actually get autism from it
That is not a fair comparison because quite frankly gender is not something as solid or empirical as a literal disease. Yes people here see it as a neurological intersex medical condition but I think that is just an attempt to naturalize it so that people feel more justified in doing it by saying “no, I’m not making a choice”…
I personally think this is more a topic of the psyche and of gender as a social and definetly psychological and emotional thing rather than something that is a topic of neurology…
It’s a highly unfair comparison
I mean yea i was being hyperbolic with that comment but I also don’t really feel the need to prove that transitioning is the right thing to do. There’s barely any research about what being trans actually is so maybe that’s why people try to come up with so many crazy theories. We do have studies that show that transitioning helps tho. In the end everything you do is a „choice“ and this isn’t less real because you can see it as a choice. Any treatment for anything is a choice
That is true but what if there is at least in my specific situation an easier treatment which is to accept myself as a man and believe that I can be my own version of man without my father’s brutality and have my own version of heterosexuality without the pain and trauma I learned from porn and that I can be enough as a straight man and have a relationship instead of trooning as a cope…
That can also be a choice but seemingly I just get punished for that opinion and also dogmatically told that wanting to be trans is always because one is trans and cannot have any other causes which is nonsensical and very not true
Wouldn’t you have already done that if it was so easy. Why struggle so much with this?
Because the trauma is very deep and difficult to resolve… and I instead of facing that pain am rather running away from it because that’s easier
You could also argue that you’re running away from transitioning, hiding in these elaborate theories
That is a very good point, especially with regards to the fact that this spiraling in circles I have been doing here for the last three months I have been doing on my own in rather desperate ways for a year
Why do dysphoriagirl posts always have like 50 comments
Because I always respond to people
What are your thoughts on my situation?
I think you’re kinda just trying to convince yourself you’re faketrans I guess
So here me out… what if hypothetically… this is the reason… would being a woman make you happier… if yes, transition… if no… sure don’t… just do what the brain tells you imo… I don’t care what made me trans, and I won’t rationalize it… because even if it is ROGD or daddy issues or smth, I don’t care, if I don’t transition, I’ll suffer and die… simple as
If this is actually the reason I am trans than my wish to transition is just maladaptive and I need to somehow become more confident in the idea of being a heterosexual man but that is entangled with so much of my past trauma that it feels almost impossible to resolve it…
Transition might make things worse… but I don’t know where to start when it comes to resolving the traumas that have given me that pathological wish to transition
I don’t know, neither will I push you to take a pill, all I’m saying is I think you’re being too obsessive over yesterday, that you are not looking at the problems of today. Like what if your parental abuse caused transness, there’s no guarantee there’s an ability to unfuck tha goat… and hoping there is kinda sisyphean and blind-sighted
Yeah… that’s a very valid point. But I think that the idea that I can’t undo the damage wouldn’t change that at the core there is damage. Either one can repair that or not. That’s the question. Maybe being gay works the same way. Maybe caused by trauma but not really changeable…
I personally though think being a man would be easier when we look at the state of the world and so investing in repairing it might be worth it
I completely agree with you about the cult mentality. But idk I wasn’t able to find a cure to dysphoria so I’m trooning out even if I don’t really want to and it is scary. At least this place can be a bit critical, meanwhile r/mtf is going to tell anyone that there’re an “egg”. Genuinely I’m waiting for the day when we can fix brain structures and save people like us from suffering. There’s also w clear difference between ROGD individuals and actually dysphoric people from childhood. Why isn’t there a cure to ROGD? Like literally I feel like a part of my brain is foid, yet another has moid elements, and that foid part got activated after I realized some stuff. I was mentally broken before ever having dysphoria, depressed, anxious. Maybe my brain really did gaslit itself. But it is irreversible sadly. So in order to decrease the pain and damage, I see hrt as the only option.
I agree… it seems to me that I also clearly suffer from ROGD and not genuine early-onset gender dysphoria because I literally induced the gender dysphoria into myself on purpose to feel more validated in the idea that I might be trans (which was a cope)…
But for me the brain thing is different… it is like I have a moid brain with foid elements and that after these got activated, I became really depresed again. So deactivating them or whatever… idk what the solution is… but like something has to somehow help me…
What’s your explanation?
It’s really just people trying to prevent what happened to them from happening to others. Who’s to say you’ll rep for years and years and make the decision to troon out that much later and regret not trooning out at 20?
I have written it into the post
I mean with all due respect, what do you expect to achieve from these posts? Are you trying to rationalize why your dysphoria exists? Who cares if it was self-induced, I thought mine was self-induced bc I spent so much time on the internet but I still decided to go on HRT anyways. Same with all the other pints. The matter of the fact is no matter which way you think you ended up having dysphoria, you still have it, no? I don’t see the point in trying to figure out why it exists instead of doing smth to try and help yourself get over it. Clearly accepting trying to be a man isn’t working. I remember in a previous post you’ve said you knew you were trans for abt a year? What happens when that 1 year turns to 2, to 5, to 10? What do you expect to be doing then?
But you’re an adult. No one’s going to make that decision for you but yourself. Some people choose to rep some choose to transition. I can’t really convince you, especially if you’re this stubborn, I’m just giving my input based off my own experiences with dysphoria. Idk maybe I’m just more lenient to you bc I haven’t been here that long and I haven’t had to deal with you that much compared to some others.
in 2, 5, 10 years… what then?
Hopefully not be depressed anymore… it would be a huge issue if at that time I’m still dysphoric and questioning… but if by then I have pulled myself up by my bootstraps and worked on my depression and my mental health and have become successful in life and entered a relationship then by that time I’ll be dad?
Idk… but I feel like I need to fix myself by then and not continue to wallow in self loathing but rather actually like yk put in the effort, man up
The way this is worded it sounds like the only possibility is you thinking you overcome dysphoria. You really need to reconsider this. Take you repping for an additional 10 years and still being dysphoric as a serious, possible outcome.
Should I try to maybe hook up with a girl and try to have heterosexual sex to see if that will fix me or do you think this could cause me like… more trauma…
Idk… I just hate the fact that my brain can’t answer these questions. Yes, the idea of still being dysphoric in 10 years sounds very painful but the idea of also having transitioned when in reality at the core maybe I’m just a very traumatized boy also sounds not very happy and good for me…
In the end I want to find a way to be happy and transition seems like it might take away many ways for me to be happy like having a family, finding a partner, getting a safe job, not experiencing violence etc…
Idk… it’s so complicated and painful
idk. I’m just trying to offer input based on my experiences.
Thank you… can you give some more of your thoughts… they are really helpful
You will still have dysphoria, no?
I am not sure if that necessarily has to be the case… if I do get into a relationship then it might ease my dysphoria… it’s like the envy and also attraction to a woman compete with each other and not only do I find that clearly unhealthy but also think it will be a problem for me having any relationship if I try to uphold that envy… and that envy is caused by dysphoria because my want to be a woman (due to trauma) creates the dysphoria. I think the dysphoria is something that can go away the moment I let go of the desire to be a woman… if I no longer want it, then it won’t torment me anymore because I’ll have a new standard for how I wanna look, right?
I think the dysphoria is something that can go away the moment I let go of the desire to be a woman
lol no shit? I really don’t like how some of your posts come across as if you think you’re the first tranny who tried to overcome dysphoria or accept being a man. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. One of the most common experiences among troonkind.
Okay… good point but if transition will lead me to a lower chance at love and safety and more pain and the desire comes from a pathological place in the first place, then maybe not doing it is better… right?
I mean idk I can’t convince you.
What do you mean by that…?
Thank you I really appreciate your comment
