It doesn’t help anybody…
I am for example depressed, have trauma and lead an unhappy life with no purpose and that is filled with feelings of deep inadequacy.
And I ask myself… could it be that I want to be trans just because the idea of being a woman due to trauma has become something that feels safer to me (even if I’m man) than the idea of being with a woman and my wish to transition is just so I can fulfill some deep seated need… essentially instead of feeling adequate and confident enough to express my attraction to a woman and love a woman in a relationship, I instead try to love myself as a woman because I’m scared of failing or being inadequate as a heterosexual man
That plus my father’s abuse due to his extreme hypermasculine expectations and my sexual trauma from pornography have made me afraid and alienated from the idea of being a man and from heterosexuality.
And then I developed dysphoria after the fact… I literally said “okay I want to be a woman because I think then I can fulfill this deep seated need, but trans women need to have dysphoria so now I should start to feel dysphoria” and then and only then after starting to imitate what people said they were dysphoric about, did I start feeling it which to me seems like I induced dysphoria artificially.
Why… why isn’t that a viable explanation!
I have written it into the post
I mean with all due respect, what do you expect to achieve from these posts? Are you trying to rationalize why your dysphoria exists? Who cares if it was self-induced, I thought mine was self-induced bc I spent so much time on the internet but I still decided to go on HRT anyways. Same with all the other pints. The matter of the fact is no matter which way you think you ended up having dysphoria, you still have it, no? I don’t see the point in trying to figure out why it exists instead of doing smth to try and help yourself get over it. Clearly accepting trying to be a man isn’t working. I remember in a previous post you’ve said you knew you were trans for abt a year? What happens when that 1 year turns to 2, to 5, to 10? What do you expect to be doing then?
But you’re an adult. No one’s going to make that decision for you but yourself. Some people choose to rep some choose to transition. I can’t really convince you, especially if you’re this stubborn, I’m just giving my input based off my own experiences with dysphoria. Idk maybe I’m just more lenient to you bc I haven’t been here that long and I haven’t had to deal with you that much compared to some others.
Hopefully not be depressed anymore… it would be a huge issue if at that time I’m still dysphoric and questioning… but if by then I have pulled myself up by my bootstraps and worked on my depression and my mental health and have become successful in life and entered a relationship then by that time I’ll be dad?
Idk… but I feel like I need to fix myself by then and not continue to wallow in self loathing but rather actually like yk put in the effort, man up
The way this is worded it sounds like the only possibility is you thinking you overcome dysphoria. You really need to reconsider this. Take you repping for an additional 10 years and still being dysphoric as a serious, possible outcome.
Should I try to maybe hook up with a girl and try to have heterosexual sex to see if that will fix me or do you think this could cause me like… more trauma…
Idk… I just hate the fact that my brain can’t answer these questions. Yes, the idea of still being dysphoric in 10 years sounds very painful but the idea of also having transitioned when in reality at the core maybe I’m just a very traumatized boy also sounds not very happy and good for me…
In the end I want to find a way to be happy and transition seems like it might take away many ways for me to be happy like having a family, finding a partner, getting a safe job, not experiencing violence etc…
Idk… it’s so complicated and painful
idk. I’m just trying to offer input based on my experiences.
Thank you… can you give some more of your thoughts… they are really helpful
My thoughts are that you should get on Estrogen. That’s really it.
Thank you I really appreciate your comment
I am not sure if that necessarily has to be the case… if I do get into a relationship then it might ease my dysphoria… it’s like the envy and also attraction to a woman compete with each other and not only do I find that clearly unhealthy but also think it will be a problem for me having any relationship if I try to uphold that envy… and that envy is caused by dysphoria because my want to be a woman (due to trauma) creates the dysphoria. I think the dysphoria is something that can go away the moment I let go of the desire to be a woman… if I no longer want it, then it won’t torment me anymore because I’ll have a new standard for how I wanna look, right?
lol no shit? I really don’t like how some of your posts come across as if you think you’re the first tranny who tried to overcome dysphoria or accept being a man. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. One of the most common experiences among troonkind.
Okay… good point but if transition will lead me to a lower chance at love and safety and more pain and the desire comes from a pathological place in the first place, then maybe not doing it is better… right?
I mean idk I can’t convince you.
What do you mean by that…?
I feel like a lot of people have said it. I think you should get on Estrogen, but I don’t think I can convince you.
What do you think is the primary reason I wont just take Estrogen? What do you think is the problem here?