It doesn’t help anybody…
I am for example depressed, have trauma and lead an unhappy life with no purpose and that is filled with feelings of deep inadequacy.
And I ask myself… could it be that I want to be trans just because the idea of being a woman due to trauma has become something that feels safer to me (even if I’m man) than the idea of being with a woman and my wish to transition is just so I can fulfill some deep seated need… essentially instead of feeling adequate and confident enough to express my attraction to a woman and love a woman in a relationship, I instead try to love myself as a woman because I’m scared of failing or being inadequate as a heterosexual man
That plus my father’s abuse due to his extreme hypermasculine expectations and my sexual trauma from pornography have made me afraid and alienated from the idea of being a man and from heterosexuality.
And then I developed dysphoria after the fact… I literally said “okay I want to be a woman because I think then I can fulfill this deep seated need, but trans women need to have dysphoria so now I should start to feel dysphoria” and then and only then after starting to imitate what people said they were dysphoric about, did I start feeling it which to me seems like I induced dysphoria artificially.
Why… why isn’t that a viable explanation!
That is true but what if there is at least in my specific situation an easier treatment which is to accept myself as a man and believe that I can be my own version of man without my father’s brutality and have my own version of heterosexuality without the pain and trauma I learned from porn and that I can be enough as a straight man and have a relationship instead of trooning as a cope…
That can also be a choice but seemingly I just get punished for that opinion and also dogmatically told that wanting to be trans is always because one is trans and cannot have any other causes which is nonsensical and very not true
Wouldn’t you have already done that if it was so easy. Why struggle so much with this?
Because the trauma is very deep and difficult to resolve… and I instead of facing that pain am rather running away from it because that’s easier
You could also argue that you’re running away from transitioning, hiding in these elaborate theories
That is a very good point, especially with regards to the fact that this spiraling in circles I have been doing here for the last three months I have been doing on my own in rather desperate ways for a year
I still think the only way too achieve clarity is whit hrt. You‘ll know it’s not the right thing for you if you dislike its effects
But I am scared of it… and considering how people here can react to people during early transiton feeling uncomfortable… I am scared that I will dislike it and that people will pressure me into continuing to take HRT because they will tell me to “just wait another year” and all these kind of things…