It can be very difficult to retain and maintain focus in this loud world, and I especially have empathy for how those difficulties have only extrapolated across the past 15 years (I’m estimating that to be our difference in age and when we traversed the tumultuous path of youth) because the reality is that the largest corporations that have ever existed in the history of our species, wielding the most advanced technologies that have ever existed in the history of our species (and which have come to fruition within only the most recent 20-30 years and so outpaced the relatively recently developed 200,000 year old Cortex that defines our sapience) have ONE goal that they bend all this preponderant power towards,

to seize hold of your attention and never let it go

I genuinely commend you and am proud to share our common ancestors with you for doing what you can to push back against that, to struggle for the psychological sustenance that we all so need to flourish as we should,

By means of hope I will leave you with one last stemwinder of wisdom; If there is anything that I’ve learned from playing piano for 10 years, it’s that when you start anything, it’s stressful and difficult and you generally suck at it and that can be discouraging, but to have faith in the resilience and brilliance of our brains ineffable design,

Practice with consistency, and you will prevail 🤘🏻

I have faith in you 🩷

I’m very opposed to long term HRT Repping , the reason being that I believe the different hormones widen and shrink certain channels and pathways in the brain (sort-of “nature” that promotes the “nurture” and vice versa) and I think continuing to “man-mode” has the effect of pushing-back against or resisting that process, and very likely hinders it and quite possibly permanently stunts it.

I’m proud of you for doing the initial steps, that’s super important,

Just like writing an essay, getting that initial topic sentence is often the hardest thing to do and allows for the rest to flow from there 🩷

That’s okay, you’ve got outlines, now let’s set some dates and stuff-

What would it take you to go to the clinic?

First you need an appointment, Then you need documentation Then you need transportation,

Let’s work on the first, Where Is the nearest clinic to you? Can you work on that first step for me? 🙏🏻

Yes.

Life is about more than one thing.

I know,

Isn’t it actually fucking awesome? Since I have transitioned nobody has once asked me to lift anything and it’s a measurable improvement

Cause we worked real hard to have such good genetics, duh

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Agreed, I had to heavily abuse opiates to numb the numbness, which I would not recommend so like, what’s your plan to get the right hormone in your body 🫡

To answer your question actually though , like most things in my life it goes in cycles, but since I haven’t had a D&D game to run for a whilei have been reading more, though I also do a bi-monthly writers hour with my sister in law, and I do just generally try and always have either a book I’m reading (sometimes at a snails pace, mostly on the train to work, and lazy rainy mornings sitting on my bed by the open window) something I’m writing, or just generally miscellaneous active thugs I’m doing that are creative and engaging me in a way that is offline.

That’s an extraordinarily kind thing of you to say 🫶🏻

Some quiet yet passionate part of my soul just suppressed an excited and probably high-pitched, squeal at the mention of the way I write,

Not to be demure mind you, but because that part is currently,

in a library .👩🏻‍🏫

Please do, I think everybody should at least try, I go for 4/7 days a week and don’t force yourself to write about anything in particular, just a thing that happened that day or generally what you’re feeling, even if it’s to write about how you can’t think of anything to write about.

It’s the ritual building of it that’s important, and then when you’ve filled one small diary with entries, go back and give it a read, with a different colored pen or highlighter or whatever acting as current-mindset-you reflecting on past -mindset you,

If I could share one thing from my life that has been the anchor through so much of my tumultuous time herein, it’s the habit of regular to semi-regular pen-on-paper diary keeping.

I know who I am in large part and have always been because I’ve existed on the page longer and more densely than any of my memories- and I know they are 100% me, so even me From 2010 or me From yesterday, they are all the same voice in my head, and I think that’s very… humbling?

A good cry is a good idea most times if the option is available to you

Then tea to replenish the water

Do you keep a diary?

I find that really helps me just generally in life, because it allows me to go back and reread my actual contemporaneous thoughts and feelings, and to therefore see patterns in a whole new way

I was just blaming the HRT for La’ Dramatique’

I blocked for the same reason I block anybody, annoying.

I regularly unblock everybody once in a while and then just block again if I remember why somebody made my experience here materially worse 🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly, you get it.

I can’t speak for you, but I can say that I definitely wanted desperately to be just a feminine bisexual man… so I don’t blame you for that desire to retreat to anything but the dreaded thing…

But At least for me, it never went away, and always bothered the fuck out of me in a way that I could only suppress for shorter and shorter periods over time

For 27 Years 🙃

I hold onto the totems of memory that serve as self proof attesting that when it comes to my flower adoring flowey-fabric flouncing self, It has forever been thus.

I think it is very helpful to be able to see yourself and your life as one continuous narrative , so I definitely have certain touchstones of memory that I pin my current conviction on, I think it’s an important practice to remember who you were before the outside fear got into you

I think all trans people are some version of intersexed in the brain though, so I might be crazy too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wrong box 🙃

DIY