i was like this as a tiny kid, i am told, i wasnt raised in a environment that in nurrareged it, definitely not in boys. why am i lkke this???
u all already total me gendered souls r bs, none of u care about that when it comes to who should trooning out!
U soul pass 💔 giwtwm
Why did I have to get the tranny phenotype that wasn’t feminine as a kid and am just agp, fml…
all that matters is dysphoria
I hold onto the totems of memory that serve as self proof attesting that when it comes to my flower adoring flowey-fabric flouncing self, It has forever been thus.
I think it is very helpful to be able to see yourself and your life as one continuous narrative , so I definitely have certain touchstones of memory that I pin my current conviction on, I think it’s an important practice to remember who you were before the outside fear got into you
I think all trans people are some version of intersexed in the brain though, so I might be crazy too 🤷🏻♀️
waow I love the way you write… Do you read a lot?
That’s an extraordinarily kind thing of you to say 🫶🏻
Some quiet yet passionate part of my soul just suppressed an excited and probably high-pitched, squeal at the mention of the way I write,
Not to be demure mind you, but because that part is currently,
in a library .👩🏻🏫
To answer your question actually though , like most things in my life it goes in cycles, but since I haven’t had a D&D game to run for a whilei have been reading more, though I also do a bi-monthly writers hour with my sister in law, and I do just generally try and always have either a book I’m reading (sometimes at a snails pace, mostly on the train to work, and lazy rainy mornings sitting on my bed by the open window) something I’m writing, or just generally miscellaneous active thugs I’m doing that are creative and engaging me in a way that is offline.
ty for replying! I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t read a book in a long time. Yeah I can chalk it up to depression and adhd, but the reality is I haven’t even tried. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have the belief about myself that I can’t read because of ADHD, and so I don’t read at all.
But anyways I’m going to try. I got The Bell Jar and started reading today. It took me like 2 hours to read 9 pages :/
So it’s not looking great. My vocabulary and reading comprehension has atrophied a lot, but I guess it’s never really been good to begin with since I always tried everything to avoid reading in school. And it doesn’t help that I’m so unfocused. I’ll just keep reading the same words over and over again and nothing is computing in my brain. And I have to search up every little thing that I don’t understand.
But hey, I tried! Nine pages is more than zero.
It can be very difficult to retain and maintain focus in this loud world, and I especially have empathy for how those difficulties have only extrapolated across the past 15 years (I’m estimating that to be our difference in age and when we traversed the tumultuous path of youth) because the reality is that the largest corporations that have ever existed in the history of our species, wielding the most advanced technologies that have ever existed in the history of our species (and which have come to fruition within only the most recent 20-30 years and so outpaced the relatively recently developed 200,000 year old Cortex that defines our sapience) have ONE goal that they bend all this preponderant power towards,
to seize hold of your attention and never let it go
I genuinely commend you and am proud to share our common ancestors with you for doing what you can to push back against that, to struggle for the psychological sustenance that we all so need to flourish as we should,
By means of hope I will leave you with one last stemwinder of wisdom; If there is anything that I’ve learned from playing piano for 10 years, it’s that when you start anything, it’s stressful and difficult and you generally suck at it and that can be discouraging, but to have faith in the resilience and brilliance of our brains ineffable design,
Practice with consistency, and you will prevail 🤘🏻
I have faith in you 🩷
i really cant remember most of my childhood. and feel like 3 people. I need to get that together, i wish i could remember being younger they 15
Do you keep a diary?
I find that really helps me just generally in life, because it allows me to go back and reread my actual contemporaneous thoughts and feelings, and to therefore see patterns in a whole new way
no. but i might start
Please do, I think everybody should at least try, I go for 4/7 days a week and don’t force yourself to write about anything in particular, just a thing that happened that day or generally what you’re feeling, even if it’s to write about how you can’t think of anything to write about.
It’s the ritual building of it that’s important, and then when you’ve filled one small diary with entries, go back and give it a read, with a different colored pen or highlighter or whatever acting as current-mindset-you reflecting on past -mindset you,
If I could share one thing from my life that has been the anchor through so much of my tumultuous time herein, it’s the habit of regular to semi-regular pen-on-paper diary keeping.
I know who I am in large part and have always been because I’ve existed on the page longer and more densely than any of my memories- and I know they are 100% me, so even me From 2010 or me From yesterday, they are all the same voice in my head, and I think that’s very… humbling?
brain sex or something
I sadly have no memories… no signs
Dr Blanchard you’ve done it again
