I dont feel normal around anyone… im scared of all people
real
i freak evryone out, tbhon!
i wanna kms around cis woman and get scared around cis man
yea i figured most ppl here are like this i was just curious if there were any that felt normal. i guess they wouldn’t be here if they did though
No. Its bcs im not normal
yeah
If they’re friends, yes. With strangers it’s hit or miss, but usually i feel like im weirder than most people, with my transness being a big part of that
weren’t your friends strangers before though? i only have 1 cis friend and i can’t rly make new ones bc of how awkward i feel around them
Like i said, hit or miss for strangers. Some of my cis girl friends i have been friends with since before transitioning (only friend who kinda ghosted me after transitioning was a cis guy but it wasn’t just for being trans). But most women im friends with now are trans or queer. Depends on the day and who I’m talking with/around but i can usually hold my own in a conversation pretty well but do still TMI about trans/queer stuff sometimes when attempting to be relatable or honest. Just kinda slips out and I don’t realize til after the fact. I also had quite a few close girl friends before transitioning, so i was already used to interacting with them most my life one way or another. It definitely helped once i started transitioning having that exposure/experience which i know not everyone gets
oh i see that’s pretty good that you at least feel comfortable around some strangers. was there a certain point where you started to feel more normal or has it always been like that?
Hmm good question, lemme think… Okay, longwinded infodump incoming, tl;dr at the bottom (sorry, lol).
It’s not a black and white feeling, more grey and depends on the day usually. Probably always felt a bit different for lack of a better word, like there were parts of my personality and stuff I’d keep hidden, and i often drank to feel my emotions and occasionally would drunkenly admit to wishing i was a girl or jealous of them or wishing i could make out with my guy friends, all while i was cishet and dating women at the time. I consciously repressed and didn’t pursue certain things, activities, or desires for certain reasons I won’t gwt into, tho being trans had never crossed my mind bc I didn’t know much about what it meant back then even tho I’d had thoughts of wanting to be a girl most my life; i had no realistic or positive representation and just thought “i was born a guy and therefore i am one, oh well i guess make the most of it”. The drinking got out of control and i eventually stopped. That’s when i started learning about what being trans meant and exploring gender stuff and realized i was probably trans. I feel weirder now bc of being so immersed in trans and queer subcultures and friend groups, like less connected to mainstream society, but still have strands of my previous life/self that don’t fit neatly into them (my therapist recently told me they think i might be autistic but idk). so i keep those parts suppressed now instead or only engage in private lol (have to do with what i studied/special interests). I’d say i feel normal in the sense of being able to have “normal” conversations with cishet people, but still feel uncomfortable if they come across as people who don’t “buy into” or are actively antagonistic towards all the trans and gender stuff. Usually with those I’ll try to find a mainstream topic i know a bit about to keep the subject off of me and my appearance, or just not engage with them to begin with if possible.
tl;dr: never really went away, rather it changes in the way it manifests. Some days i feel confident and hot, others i feel disgusting and like i stand out like a sore thumb. Some days i can talk to anybody, others i can barely look my friends in the eyes without feeling shame or lesser. So i guess I don’t necessarily feel more “normal” anymore bc the longer i live the more i realize there is no universal normal. Instead i just feel more comfortable with my choices with how i live and am more willing to accept the consequences of those choices even when i know they aren’t the best decision i could make.
that makes sense! it’s definitely situational and sometimes it’s hard to tell if u actually feel normal or if u were just better at faking it at that moment.
normal? yeah. female? hell no
like are u comfortable talking with them or being in women’s spaces with them
im not in womens spaces
ic
No because I’m a 2 week hrt boymoder and look like a weirdo ugly twink, not seen seriously as a guy nor a woman and being seen as a guy hurts a lot plus I’m like half deaf autistic in conversations, depends on my mood really
the weirdo ugly twink part is how i feel now over 3.5 years hrt and girlmoding lol. 2 weeks is so early it’ll prob get better
No I’m just ugly as my nose is like horrible with a hump, idk weird forehead, assymetrical jaw, oblong head. I prob have too much honfidence as a coping mechanism. I’m afraid that I actually look like what I perceive myself as when I’m feeling dysphoric. Like it is hard for me to judge because my mind does like a reverse bdd sometimes. Like I see two versions of myself. I fear that hrt won’t change my face. I’ll need ffs either way. How tf do I moneymax??? Even if I become a surgeon or smth I’ll take years. Debt for ffs?
i’m feel that too i’m ugly but occasionally i have honfidence. i can’t really fix any of my issues though since im post ffs i got a full time job and was really lucky with covid stocks and was able to pay for it + taking on some debt.
i do not belong in normie society they can’t comprehend me
same
I think I mostly am, like there’s a sadness I feel when I see a group of women who are friends because I can’t get that with people but I’m able to feel like I’m a woman around cis women. It took a while to develop but I got there.
how did you develop it? i think the sadness i feel when i see how easily they interact with each other and compliment each other and stuff is part of what makes me uncomfortable
I think over time, and we’re talking years here, I just kept looking and seeing more. I would see the women who had what I lacked, but I’d also see the other women. It still hurts to know what I lack, but people don’t get a full accounting of my life when they see me. And for what they do see, it doesn’t seem to stand out from the other women that they see. I’m just another woman carrying groceries.
i guess that makes sense but since i’m not sure if i stand out or not i can’t really internalize that other people see me as normal. i always have to worry im being clocked or look or act weird in a way that makes people uncomfortable
Yeah that’s difficult, and maybe part of it is that my fear around that is so acute around men due to the potential for violence, the difference with women makes it feel more normal than it actually is. But I do think I’ve been able to develop a confidence that I don’t look or act weird when out and about, like all the signals I get are telling me that this doesn’t become clear to people until we have an extended conversation. If people are regularly interacting with you in a way that suggests that they think they saw a normal woman, I think it’s safe to believe that’s the popular perception.
yea i guess i mostly get treated normally but i live in a woke area so its hard to say what they’re actually thinking when they interact with me. maybe my worms are just really bad but its been hard for me to trust that they don’t see me like how i see myself
I think with a woke area you still get some signals like the “coward’s they” and stuff like that, though yeah it sucks that it can’t be more clear. I’m in the same boat and it’s been tough not to be like “every single person is just being nice to me”, but people are not nice enough for that to be true after a certain point. Especially if you’re getting any of the typical treatment of women that is not so nice.
i feel like because it’s woke it’s hard to interpret and there’s a lot of people that use they for everyone. maybe that’s cope on my part though
i don’t get harassed or hit on so maybe they are just being nice :/
i only feel disgust or envy or mistrust around cis people but when I see a short foid I compare myself to her to feel better about myself because im in the top 3 most insufferable people in the world
real though i dont see how that makes u insufferable
because in my head I sound like a misogynistic middle schooler
woman = weak me = stronk confident poon, girls drool doods rule!
it’s just in your head though i think that’s fine to be confident in yourself
yea, but ppl don’t feel comf around me!!! or i isolate myself if the opposite happens…
yea i assume people don’t feel comfy around me that’s what makes me feel not normal
i will have sme social skills someday. . .
i believe in u!
tysm grllly 🤭🥺❤️
No? How could I
idk i don’t either that’s why im asking
not me… im seriously bashful around cis women. and then they call me baby and honey, which does not help.
if you’re a guy that’s normal though
