• thrwy809OP
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    13 days ago

    how did you develop it? i think the sadness i feel when i see how easily they interact with each other and compliment each other and stuff is part of what makes me uncomfortable

    • Allie
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      13 days ago

      I think over time, and we’re talking years here, I just kept looking and seeing more. I would see the women who had what I lacked, but I’d also see the other women. It still hurts to know what I lack, but people don’t get a full accounting of my life when they see me. And for what they do see, it doesn’t seem to stand out from the other women that they see. I’m just another woman carrying groceries.

      • thrwy809OP
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        13 days ago

        i guess that makes sense but since i’m not sure if i stand out or not i can’t really internalize that other people see me as normal. i always have to worry im being clocked or look or act weird in a way that makes people uncomfortable

        • Allie
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          13 days ago

          Yeah that’s difficult, and maybe part of it is that my fear around that is so acute around men due to the potential for violence, the difference with women makes it feel more normal than it actually is. But I do think I’ve been able to develop a confidence that I don’t look or act weird when out and about, like all the signals I get are telling me that this doesn’t become clear to people until we have an extended conversation. If people are regularly interacting with you in a way that suggests that they think they saw a normal woman, I think it’s safe to believe that’s the popular perception.

          • thrwy809OP
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            13 days ago

            yea i guess i mostly get treated normally but i live in a woke area so its hard to say what they’re actually thinking when they interact with me. maybe my worms are just really bad but its been hard for me to trust that they don’t see me like how i see myself

            • Allie
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              13 days ago

              I think with a woke area you still get some signals like the “coward’s they” and stuff like that, though yeah it sucks that it can’t be more clear. I’m in the same boat and it’s been tough not to be like “every single person is just being nice to me”, but people are not nice enough for that to be true after a certain point. Especially if you’re getting any of the typical treatment of women that is not so nice.

              • thrwy809OP
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                13 days ago

                i feel like because it’s woke it’s hard to interpret and there’s a lot of people that use they for everyone. maybe that’s cope on my part though

                i don’t get harassed or hit on so maybe they are just being nice :/

                • Allie
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                  13 days ago

                  I don’t think you should be taking too much from the absence of mistreatment! That’s just another potential signal.

                  Also, if you’ve heard from other trans people in your city about their treatment within it, do their stories suggest that there’s nothing but nice people around? Because that’s something that gave me a lot of perspective, hearing about how unkind the treatment can actually get. I feel like I was talking about this with someone recently, so I’m sorry if that was you and this is redundant! But it can help with this.

                  • thrwy809OP
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                    13 days ago

                    i don’t know too many trans ppl in my city but the 1 that i’ve talked to said she gets misgendered and harassed occasionally. she lives in a diff neighborhood though and she said it was at night after like going to a club or party and stuff which i don’t really do