knew something was wrong but my approach to that was to just stop associating my body with myself, that cope was probably why I was rather late

this was me too

Same here. I think I got it in my head that I was gonna stay a kid forever and my body wouldn’t change. So when it inevitably did change, I began daydreaming to distract myself. It’s almost impossible to break out of the trance.

Sounds very similar to me. I can see a couple times in my life where I could have figured it out before 25 but life got in the way and I would just immediately revert to disconnecting. I feel very much so as a brain controlling a body as well.

Your body is unlikely to get to whatever full repair is as you can see it right now. I don’t think I will really get the chance to experience life as a young woman but I didn’t get to experience one as a young man regardless due to what has occured in my life. We all age regardless of transition and I do hope that as I age my place in the world will change and I will get to experience being female regardless of that I didn’t get to experience this part as female that I am living now. The only thing keeping me going towards transition is knowing how intensely I have felt about it and knowing that there is truly little harm in trying since I am so late I have plenty of time to see the small changes as they occur and see if I’m happier with them.

🫂

yea :c it’s crazy rly, i didn’t even think it wasn’t normal cause i was like that ever since puberty started and i didn’t know anything about trannies and estrogen. when i watched i saw the tv glow for the first time i understood on the first millisecond what was the metaphor behind the midnight realm. it was the majority of my fucking life. i entered late too because of this reason…

yeaaah, honestly too relatable. i’ve disassociated for so long that the true gravity of the situation only ever occurs to me in fits and bouts like a panic attack. i just keep my head down and work away at my transition as much as possible and try not to think about it

waow it’s the famous scrimblo

yeah my I just stopped associating with my body as well, I feel like the fact that I got bullied for my body( for being black/short) contributed to me ignoring my body as well.

many such cases!

but yes actually. i have serious dissociative issues and i also “didn’t know young” (until i later learned i did understand to whatever degree you can when i was very little just to have it “disappear” throughout puberty and more). crashed down in mid 20s.

my therapist is really keyed in to dissociative stuff and has told me that they’re now learning/researching that trans people in particular have especially high rates of dissociation/related conditions. makes sense because of how early humans begin to be aware of sex/gender. my own headcanon is that most did know at young ages, but those who “didn’t” just were forced into repressing/dissociating and forgot basically.

I’m very familiar with dissociation. I knew I was trans around 14 or so. Had incongruence since early childhood but puberty really made things much worse and into full-blown dysphoria. Obv had zero chance of trooning out (and almost 20 years later, minors here still can’t) so I experimented with androgynous styles, goth make up etc. Nearly got my ass kicked just for that.

So I ended up repping eventually. How I did it was by dissociation. I just kinda disconnected from reality around 20 years of age. I was mentally fucked up already, so trooning out was still impossible. So instead of slipping into dissociation by accident, I weaponized it.

It will pass, I told myself. I just need to lock in, figure out a few extra personalities I can fall back on and just kinda ignore everything until the tranny thoughts go away. I developed more personalities over the years, when I crashed out on one, I switched to another, ignoring my actual self for over ten years.

The tranny thoughts eventually overpowered the dissociative personality switching methods and here I am. Old, decrepit but actually trooning out. Despite the pain of it all, it’s nice to feel something. It’s not all bad either. I don’t want to dissociate anymore.