You too should listen to Kawaleria Szatana by Turbo. It’s really good.

I mean he’s autistic too but he’s more of a Bathory and Summoning kinda guy so maybe I should try to rant about those because they’re awesome too.

I am drunk and kinda smitten.

I’m not sure. He did bring up Turbo so my autistic rant about how Kawaleria Szatana is a super underrated thrash metal album might have been interesting but most likely not.

He is hard to read but I like him a lot. He’s so cool.

HE HAD THIS AMAZING FEATHER EARRING TOO BUT NO. POKOLGÉP.

Fascists on all sides. If they don’t get us, the climate disasters will.

Nah, we’re past the tipping point. There will be at least a lot more war and during times of war, attitudes harden. We’ll get hit even worse before all this is over.

And the worst part? Whoever wins, WE’RE FUCKED ANYWAY.

Aye, hold up. Let me just phone the Demiurge… Nah. I think he has blocked me, sorry.

I was drawn to the morbid ever since I was a kid. I liked hanging out at cemeteries and drew pictures of decomposing bodies lmao. Imagine an elementary school kid drawing corpses. I guess there’s just something wrong with me.

I either shitpost somewhere or just take notes on my phone, sometimes accompanied by a short poem. It’s just some stream of consciousness type of shit I do, nothing planned or well thought out.

Oh, and this is kinda funny so I suppose you’re entitled to some of my past personalities.

• Jolly fat guy who likes old school hard rock and sports
• Wise-cracking pseudointellectual online debate guy
• Alcoholic imageboard NEET
• Black metal nazi
• Sales bro
• Quirky theymab, the final cope

I’m very familiar with dissociation. I knew I was trans around 14 or so. Had incongruence since early childhood but puberty really made things much worse and into full-blown dysphoria. Obv had zero chance of trooning out (and almost 20 years later, minors here still can’t) so I experimented with androgynous styles, goth make up etc. Nearly got my ass kicked just for that.

So I ended up repping eventually. How I did it was by dissociation. I just kinda disconnected from reality around 20 years of age. I was mentally fucked up already, so trooning out was still impossible. So instead of slipping into dissociation by accident, I weaponized it.

It will pass, I told myself. I just need to lock in, figure out a few extra personalities I can fall back on and just kinda ignore everything until the tranny thoughts go away. I developed more personalities over the years, when I crashed out on one, I switched to another, ignoring my actual self for over ten years.

The tranny thoughts eventually overpowered the dissociative personality switching methods and here I am. Old, decrepit but actually trooning out. Despite the pain of it all, it’s nice to feel something. It’s not all bad either. I don’t want to dissociate anymore.

Just drone me already, Putin-sama. I did it for science. The point is that you can get it to show you very different kinds of results.

Now I suppose I want to gloat at least a little bit so I’ll do this.

How about we make it more MAN?! For pity and BDD.

This is how it has been for a while now.

This is the way I’m heading too. It’s a matter of picking your poison, basically.

From my experience at least around here, there are barely any trans women at black metal shows because the scene is full of nazis. I’ve stopped going too, unless it’s a leftist venue. Punk shows on the other hand, yeah, plenty of trans people around.

Well, my skin looks better so I guess a tiny bit.

That’s a possibility. It’s hard to tell because Finnish is a very non-gendered language so there are no clues to pick up from that.

Well, I can be mogged by theyfabs too lmao. Anyone is welcome to mog my sad old hon ass.

Yeah. I do this a lot. Although looking at the mirror is painful.