Stella is a beautiful name. It’s one of my middle names. And that’s very much a real name and so is yours, Stella.

Like I have irl tranny friends and such. An active social life, socially mostly transitioned despite being a gigahon and soon I’ll get my legal name and gender marker fixed too. But still there’s this fucking black void inside me that none of my friends understand. They’re just happy living as themselves now and I mask my misery to not get dumped out of the friend group. So /tttt/ spaces are a pretty natural outlet for me too. Thanks for being kind.

Yeah, it’s understandable tbh. The discrepancy, the incongruence, the otherness. All heavy burdens to bear by their own right and then you’re also hated by everyone and boom, that’s nice. I wish I could help people but I can’t. I’m too broken myself.

Yeah, that has always been hard to watch and made me use less and less /tttt/ spaces in general. Like, come on. I mean, dysphoria is a bitch but at least you’re not soon middle aged and just now trooning. Go live.

I’m probably too old. Maybe I could be a motherly figure for all these mentally ill troons here. The Honmother - Matriarch of the Brood.

It’ll happen right after Finland legalises weed.

If you don’t know, that means basically never.

I started at 32 and no longer feel like killing myself. I lost the chance at passing around 13-14 but things could’ve been a lot worse due to male aging if I had waited any longer. Needless to say, I also had a pretty fucked up case of repperbrain which E just… fixed. Please troonpill and DIYpill everyone.

I haven’t opened my blinds ever since I moved into this place. That’s like… Nine months now. Someone could see inside and I’m not having that.

You too should listen to Kawaleria Szatana by Turbo. It’s really good.

I mean he’s autistic too but he’s more of a Bathory and Summoning kinda guy so maybe I should try to rant about those because they’re awesome too.

I am drunk and kinda smitten.

I’m not sure. He did bring up Turbo so my autistic rant about how Kawaleria Szatana is a super underrated thrash metal album might have been interesting but most likely not.

He is hard to read but I like him a lot. He’s so cool.

HE HAD THIS AMAZING FEATHER EARRING TOO BUT NO. POKOLGÉP.

Fascists on all sides. If they don’t get us, the climate disasters will.

Nah, we’re past the tipping point. There will be at least a lot more war and during times of war, attitudes harden. We’ll get hit even worse before all this is over.

And the worst part? Whoever wins, WE’RE FUCKED ANYWAY.

Aye, hold up. Let me just phone the Demiurge… Nah. I think he has blocked me, sorry.

I was drawn to the morbid ever since I was a kid. I liked hanging out at cemeteries and drew pictures of decomposing bodies lmao. Imagine an elementary school kid drawing corpses. I guess there’s just something wrong with me.

I either shitpost somewhere or just take notes on my phone, sometimes accompanied by a short poem. It’s just some stream of consciousness type of shit I do, nothing planned or well thought out.

Oh, and this is kinda funny so I suppose you’re entitled to some of my past personalities.

• Jolly fat guy who likes old school hard rock and sports
• Wise-cracking pseudointellectual online debate guy
• Alcoholic imageboard NEET
• Black metal nazi
• Sales bro
• Quirky theymab, the final cope

I’m very familiar with dissociation. I knew I was trans around 14 or so. Had incongruence since early childhood but puberty really made things much worse and into full-blown dysphoria. Obv had zero chance of trooning out (and almost 20 years later, minors here still can’t) so I experimented with androgynous styles, goth make up etc. Nearly got my ass kicked just for that.

So I ended up repping eventually. How I did it was by dissociation. I just kinda disconnected from reality around 20 years of age. I was mentally fucked up already, so trooning out was still impossible. So instead of slipping into dissociation by accident, I weaponized it.

It will pass, I told myself. I just need to lock in, figure out a few extra personalities I can fall back on and just kinda ignore everything until the tranny thoughts go away. I developed more personalities over the years, when I crashed out on one, I switched to another, ignoring my actual self for over ten years.

The tranny thoughts eventually overpowered the dissociative personality switching methods and here I am. Old, decrepit but actually trooning out. Despite the pain of it all, it’s nice to feel something. It’s not all bad either. I don’t want to dissociate anymore.

Just drone me already, Putin-sama. I did it for science. The point is that you can get it to show you very different kinds of results.