I wasn’t really one of those people who knew at a young age I was trans, I knew something was wrong but my approach to that was to just stop associating my body with myself, that cope was probably why I was rather late to the punch on this. (started hrt at 26) I’ve easily lived most of my life in this disconnected state. My cope was too essentially tell myself it did not matter how I looked like at all or how I presented because all I was was the brain inside of this body. Of course that didn’t last.
It feels like I’ve been doing this too long to fully break out of it, because now I’m more aware of all the damage that has been done to my body that is impossible or out of reach to fully repair. I think I was just straight up too stupid to understand it all earlier and now Im paying the price for it.
Sounds very similar to me. I can see a couple times in my life where I could have figured it out before 25 but life got in the way and I would just immediately revert to disconnecting. I feel very much so as a brain controlling a body as well.
Your body is unlikely to get to whatever full repair is as you can see it right now. I don’t think I will really get the chance to experience life as a young woman but I didn’t get to experience one as a young man regardless due to what has occured in my life. We all age regardless of transition and I do hope that as I age my place in the world will change and I will get to experience being female regardless of that I didn’t get to experience this part as female that I am living now. The only thing keeping me going towards transition is knowing how intensely I have felt about it and knowing that there is truly little harm in trying since I am so late I have plenty of time to see the small changes as they occur and see if I’m happier with them.
🫂