honestly though, i just think about that if somebody saw me with my sister it would be infinitely weirder if i had a normal name, and also the name can be explained away by where i grew up. i had childhood friends who were named Rain and Moon by their parents because i grew up in middle of nowhere hippy california. so i dont think choosing something weird would effect my passing prospects that much here.

i just want to not be lonely. im not talking about that in a romantic sense, i dont even think i care about romantic relarionships at all. i have friendships but none of them are quality and i dont even think most are mutual, i think most of them cant stand me and just put up with me. I came out to somebody for the first time yesterday and i just thought, why the fuck am i coming out to this person, we arent close, she has never texted me first or invited me over to her place without me initiating it. she entertains me and i wonder if its just because she feels bad for what a wreck i am. i know all of rhis is my fault because i am the one common denominator, the world isnt evil, i am just making my life miserable and i need to somehow fix myself, but i dont think i ever will figure out how. year by year my dysphoria has just gotten worse, now i feel like im constantly cobcious of my body in a way i wasnt before. there have been days where i couldnt go outside because i didnt want to be percieved. its made me entirely dysfunctional. it never used to be this bad, at one point i was almost like the nondysphoric reddit trannies, now ive gotten to this point that i just cant return from. im going to be homeless in a week, which is somehow the least of my concerns because ive given up on life so much. theres just nothing to possibly salvage from my life.

Yes

Should I just send it

I’ve thought about that but I am 90% sure this person knows I’m a tranny and she certainly does not perceive me as a man. And I still don’t have the courage to tell her. She’s told it to my face “if you ever come out I’ll support you”. She has asked if I’m a closeted tranny time and time again. I don’t think it would change her perception of me in any way but I can’t send the message.

I can but it sounds wrong

I plan to I just don’t understand the science of what I’m supposed to do with it

No I wouldn’t but I would have been able to cope for much longer. He’s hitting twink death at 30, I hit it at 16.

If I was a younger Timothee Chalamet esque pretty boy I probably could have coped.

The best way I can describe it is that it’s as far opposite you can get from being high if that makes sense. I don’t think it’s the feeling you are thinking of.

It doesnt happen. Some people have traits that seem to fit this made up mental disorder. The traits that form BOD are extremely common and fundamentally human. And if you believe it exists you’re going to be looking for confirmation that somebody has it. Just to use an example from girl interrupted, you know how you will physically see flashes of things that you think about a lot in your vision? Susanna talks about how when she was first institutionalized she took that as confirmation that she had BPD (which she wasn’t shown the criteria for at the time) and that she was going crazy like the evaluators were trying to tell her. It’s definitely worth a read.

I fit the criteria for BPD perfectly but I am morally against seeing psychiatrists or therapists do I don’t have a diagnosis, and I would refuse a diagnosis because it’s not a real disorder

BPD literally isnt real just read girl interrupted, it makes an extremely convincing argument that it’s not a real disorder. And I trust Susanna Kayson a lot more than some psychologist cucks.

Moids are genuinely subhuman.

You keep hallucinating from acid permanantly. Weed makes it worse

2007 so only the first book was released 😔

Also I feel like this is an obvious joke I don’t know why your taking it seriously.

Yes

I am depressed and I still get erections.

I couldn’t pass

that should make me look less masculine because it hides my form

that’s the only place where I can not be hugboxxed.

Estrogen won’t change any of those things

1. I’d never be able to pass

2. I don’t have an actual place to live so Im partially reliant on a family member who would never want to see my face again if they knew I was a tranny