im not sure if I have the strangth to go through with it now. i wish i could do it. i wish i was brave, i was meant to rope in 2 days. i am more isolated than ever and still a tranny.
I’m sorry that you’ve been brought to this point, it is not easy to feel this low. What would you need for things to feel like they’re going your way?
i just want to not be lonely. im not talking about that in a romantic sense, i dont even think i care about romantic relarionships at all. i have friendships but none of them are quality and i dont even think most are mutual, i think most of them cant stand me and just put up with me. I came out to somebody for the first time yesterday and i just thought, why the fuck am i coming out to this person, we arent close, she has never texted me first or invited me over to her place without me initiating it. she entertains me and i wonder if its just because she feels bad for what a wreck i am. i know all of rhis is my fault because i am the one common denominator, the world isnt evil, i am just making my life miserable and i need to somehow fix myself, but i dont think i ever will figure out how. year by year my dysphoria has just gotten worse, now i feel like im constantly cobcious of my body in a way i wasnt before. there have been days where i couldnt go outside because i didnt want to be percieved. its made me entirely dysfunctional. it never used to be this bad, at one point i was almost like the nondysphoric reddit trannies, now ive gotten to this point that i just cant return from. im going to be homeless in a week, which is somehow the least of my concerns because ive given up on life so much. theres just nothing to possibly salvage from my life.
There is hope to come back from this. The homelessness situation seems very serious, do you have a support network in this or a solid idea of your next steps? I know it can feel difficult to even engage with the future at a time like this, but you’ll need some stability to move forward.
And it’s important to note that you are moving forward, you came out to someone! There can be some appeal in getting it over with first with someone low stakes. Is there someone you want to know this about you, more than any other people?
