I am trying to become what I actually desire and me being envious of her is just a displacement of my actual heterosexual attraction towards her because I feel unsafe in expressing it…
If I simply express that attraction and learn that I am enough as a heterosexual man then I will actually be okay… Transition is a pathological fix for a problem that exists because I am afraid of failing as a heterosexual man when in reality I can succed at being a heterosexual man… Transition is an escape from pain.
The pain of rejection and inadequacy but maybe I am and can be enough as a man and never should have doubted that…
She is beautiful, gorgeous, smart, well spoken and really cool person… Truthfully, I will never be a woman and never will be able to achieve being like her because quite frankly there is no sense in attempting such nonsense…
I can love this woman… she is beautiful and my envy or desire to be a women and embody traits she has is just my attempt to aquire what is beautiful and what I love without the risk of getting hurt. It is a bargain for heterosexual love but without the actual relationship to a woman. And that not only wont work but it fundamentally makes me lonely and seperated.
It feels like transition for me is a pathological attempt to satisfiy a need for heterosexual love by becoming the object of desire instead of entering a relationship with tthe object of desire. Like I am stuck in a developemntally stuntend autosexual stage of maturation due to a fear of failure with regards to heterosexual realtionships. It is not transformation.
It is an escape from pain for me
THIS IS WRONG. TRANSITION WONT FIX ME. IT’S AN ATTEMPT TO FIX WHAT ISNT BROKEN. I COULD BE A SUCCESFULL HETEROSEXUAL MAN. MY DESIRE TO TRANSITION IS SIMPLY MY FEAR OF NOT FINDING LOVE.
I am not saying this in a self hating fashion. This is a realisation.
Why be a failed gay male pretending to be a woman when I can become a succesfful straight man accepting that I am a man and loving a woman…
we should ban anyone who hasnt read a book from talking about sexology, it should be genuinely illegal
literal 1984
Exactly…
It is not about sexology… it is about what I feel my situation and my mind are experiencing… my explanation for my feelings and situation…
Transition due to AGP is a pathological attempt to satisfiy a need for heterosexual love by becoming the object of desire instead of entering a relationship with tthe object of desire. One remains in a developemntally stuntend autosexual stage of psychosexual maturation due to a fear of failure with regards to heterosexual realtionships. It is not transformation.
no, this is pseudoscientific nonsense actually and not how it works lol
Okay ignore that nonsense paragraph. Please focus on the rest. I am sorry for always wanting to abstract things
without that paragraph the rest is either you liking this girl or echoing the same attitude, what am i meant to engage with
Then engage with that… it feels like I just want to transition because of exactly what I described… and that maybe because of that transition is the wrong path… that I can be a heterosexual man because my entire desire to transition is just a displacement of my heterosexuality and my sexuality being autosexually fixated due to developmental issues…
youre creating complex sexological theories based on nothing than some vague “feeling” (self hate), there’s absolutely nothing here to engage with
And my “theory” or rather the way I feel one can explain all this that I am feeling… makes sense to me…it is not about self hatred… it is about if this makes sense… if I am doing trooning just because of trauma and because I fear failing as a heterosexual man and maybe that instead I should believ in myself and try to be succesful as a cishet man because for a moment, I felt like I can never be beautiful like her but maybe I dont even want to be like her but instead I actually just want her.
It is not about theory! This is about how I feel, how this stuff makes sense in my life… how I feel the explanation could be… It is not about abstract theory but about the very stuff I am feeling in this moment.
I dont hate myself right now… I felt very happy sitting with her and talking with her and okay with being “the man” for that moment…
if you were okay with being a cishet man then you wouldnt be posting about it, you seem to be genuinely hurting from your dysphoria
My dysphoria seems to result from me fixating on standards of how a woman should look like… if I let go and just remain neutral to my body or accept standards of how men should look like and cultivate in me a desire to look like a man, then the dysphoria will reverse or go away.
I think this is how my dysphoria developed in the first place
Show this to a trans positive therapist or some lgbt org that does similar stuff
What do you mean?
Like to see what they think
uh huh
Please engage with me honesty and truthfully… this matters
When I see the word agp being used unironically I can’t help but laugh at it I’m gonna be so real with you
Also you sometimes try to frame this stuff in scientific terms and stuff but like literally what do you know about this stuff to be theorizing about it anyway 😭😭
I deleted it mostly from the post… I am talking just about my feelings… I am not trying to be scientific… this is literally just about my feelings…
Enjoy your 5min of being a straight male before you’re a troon again lmao
Why is nobody except semibright engaging with this post earnestly… I really need your opinion!
Ugh, okay. It seems to me you are starved for any kind if affection, so your mind temporarily overrides your transness in order to fulfil the requirements it deems necessary to attain said closeness. At the same time your brain mixes up goals with attraction. I don’t see you being into women. It’s not real, take your pills.
you are starved for any kind if affection, so your mind temporarily overrides your transness in order to fulfil the requirements it deems necessary to attain said closeness
I think that could be the case but I think it’s deeper than that…what if I only want to be close because I feel inadequate as a man due to my father’s abuse and I have falsely made up this fantasy where being a woman will get me the love that I feel I’m not good enough for as a man to get… so transitioning to get love because I’m afraid I can’t get love as a man due to feeling like I am not enough as a man due to trauma…
That’s the fun thing: You can never find out stuff like that on a 100% probability basis. All you can do is try stuff and see if it makes you feel better. Just try how you feel on HRT. Otherwise you will just keep pondering while the time you have runs through your fingers like sand.
I don’t see you being into women.
But I never had genuine attraction to men, that attraction to men was always an attempt to fulfill my need to feel more feminine in contrast so it was clearly pseudo-bisexuality / meta attraction.
But women… I have liked women since I was a child and had like three crushes and like a tiny relationship in early elementary school…
I genuinely am attracted to women but I’ve felt like I am too inadequate to be with a woman. And so in my mind yesterday I thought that she could never like me and I couldn’t be the man she needs to make her happy, not because I’m trans, but because I’m not good enough as a man which is something my father always said.
But I never had genuine attraction to men, that attraction to men was always an attempt to fulfill my need to feel more feminine in contrast so it was clearly pseudo-bisexuality / meta attraction.
How would you know what attraction was “genuine” in the first place? Based on vibes?
But women… I have liked women since I was a child and had like three crushes and like a tiny relationship in early elementary school…
Ok, so maybe you’re simply bi? I crushed on a mate from school too, now I’m with a woman. I don’t worry about it, so why would you?
I genuinely am attracted to women but I’ve felt like I am too inadequate to be with a woman.
I felt the same until HRT, now I genuinely believe I can be a good and worthy partner for women. Try it.
How would you know what attraction was “genuine” in the first place?
I was always attracted to women per se and their bodies… so clear object choice… but for men it was always how they could make me feel and not men being themselves attractive…
I am not attracted to men the way that gay men are attracted to men but I am actually attracted to women the way straight men are attracted to women. If that’s that’s sense…
Also like onset… I only started to like men after literally consciously getting rid of my disgust response to homosexual sex via exposure. I used to think men kissing was gross… it all started with my best male friend hugging me, me being starved for affection and then me thinking I’m bi…
but for men it was always how they could make me feel and not men being themselves attractive…
So meta-attraction by Blanchard’s definition. Since you believe his shit you should follow his guidelines in case of AGP, which means you should transition.
Yeah but I think Blanchard is wrong in saying AGPS should transition… I dont want to be AGP… If there is one thing that I dont want to be in the slightest, then it is to be a male who is autosexually fixated, incapable of genuine relational sexuality and connection and who uses sex with other men while feminizing himeself to affirm some artifically constructed cross-sex identity that has resulted as a maladaptive response to lonliness and masculinity trauma. I dont want to be this. Why cant I just be normal instead…
How horrific is it to be something like this… No, I dont want to be AGP!
what does ur girlfriend think of all of this
She is not my girlfriend… I just had these moments with girls I like more than once, where I realize that maybe I could actually just be a man…
u respond and type quickly. idk why ppl downvoted you. how tall ru
What ?
entering a relationship with the object of desire is so different from becoming the object of desire, like i want to have lots of money but i dont want to become money
But if having money feels impossible due to trauma then maybe one feels like the only way to have money is to become money and so one does that to feel the warmth of having money via proxy… instead of healing the trauma and then actually having money instead of being it
im sorry you feel like you cant have a girlfriend as a man, i dont even know how thats possible, what happened to you?
Trauma and isolation during puberty, like extreme sexual trauma due to addiction and feelings of self disgust and ostracisation… and feelings of male inferiority from the abuse of my hypermasculine angry father…
your feelings of self disgust are tied to being male, so isnt that a justified reason to transition? wont it remove the feelings of disgust?
No, my feelings of self disgust where due to sexual shame due to my parents abusing me with regards to masturbation when I entered puberty. I felt ashamed and disgusted for being a sexual being
so you mean by transitioning into a woman, its like acquiring a woman without being a sexual being? i guess it makes sense, but it wouldnt be like a real relationship, it would just be you and yourself, so it wouldnt count. how would you even convince yourself to transition for this goal? its way to extreme. this is probably not the real reason you want to transition
it is more like literally love of myself as a woman due to feeling like that is the only way I can love a woman… so literally autogynephilia in the sense that due to trauma, I cannot feel safe or confident enough to have a relationship and so instead I want to become a woman to satisfy that need for love… it is autosexuality instead of relational sexuality.
Dont downvote me… this isnt a self hate post… I am serious and I want your perspective here… Please read and engage with me truthfully… this really matters to me… I am actually feeling this right now… I can be a man… I wont be a woman, but I can be a man!
