I am trying to become what I actually desire and me being envious of her is just a displacement of my actual heterosexual attraction towards her because I feel unsafe in expressing it…
If I simply express that attraction and learn that I am enough as a heterosexual man then I will actually be okay… Transition is a pathological fix for a problem that exists because I am afraid of failing as a heterosexual man when in reality I can succed at being a heterosexual man… Transition is an escape from pain.
The pain of rejection and inadequacy but maybe I am and can be enough as a man and never should have doubted that…
She is beautiful, gorgeous, smart, well spoken and really cool person… Truthfully, I will never be a woman and never will be able to achieve being like her because quite frankly there is no sense in attempting such nonsense…
I can love this woman… she is beautiful and my envy or desire to be a women and embody traits she has is just my attempt to aquire what is beautiful and what I love without the risk of getting hurt. It is a bargain for heterosexual love but without the actual relationship to a woman. And that not only wont work but it fundamentally makes me lonely and seperated.
It feels like transition for me is a pathological attempt to satisfiy a need for heterosexual love by becoming the object of desire instead of entering a relationship with tthe object of desire. Like I am stuck in a developemntally stuntend autosexual stage of maturation due to a fear of failure with regards to heterosexual realtionships. It is not transformation.
It is an escape from pain for me
THIS IS WRONG. TRANSITION WONT FIX ME. IT’S AN ATTEMPT TO FIX WHAT ISNT BROKEN. I COULD BE A SUCCESFULL HETEROSEXUAL MAN. MY DESIRE TO TRANSITION IS SIMPLY MY FEAR OF NOT FINDING LOVE.
I am not saying this in a self hating fashion. This is a realisation.
Why be a failed gay male pretending to be a woman when I can become a succesfful straight man accepting that I am a man and loving a woman…
I was always attracted to women per se and their bodies… so clear object choice… but for men it was always how they could make me feel and not men being themselves attractive…
I am not attracted to men the way that gay men are attracted to men but I am actually attracted to women the way straight men are attracted to women. If that’s that’s sense…
Also like onset… I only started to like men after literally consciously getting rid of my disgust response to homosexual sex via exposure. I used to think men kissing was gross… it all started with my best male friend hugging me, me being starved for affection and then me thinking I’m bi…
So meta-attraction by Blanchard’s definition. Since you believe his shit you should follow his guidelines in case of AGP, which means you should transition.
Yeah but I think Blanchard is wrong in saying AGPS should transition… I dont want to be AGP… If there is one thing that I dont want to be in the slightest, then it is to be a male who is autosexually fixated, incapable of genuine relational sexuality and connection and who uses sex with other men while feminizing himeself to affirm some artifically constructed cross-sex identity that has resulted as a maladaptive response to lonliness and masculinity trauma. I dont want to be this. Why cant I just be normal instead…
How horrific is it to be something like this… No, I dont want to be AGP!
You don’t want to listen to actual mainstream psychologists.
You don’t want to listen to wacky pseudoscientific psychologists.
You don’t want to listen to people who are suffering from the same condition as you and have first-hand experience with it.
Who do you want to listen to then? Nobody but yourself, that’s how it seems. And instead of listening to our opinions you keep badgering us in the hope that if you do it persistently enough we will tell you what you want to hear. You don’t really care about us as people, our experiences or our knowledge. You want to use us as tools to fulfil your ends, to fuel your self-loathing. But we will not, because, unlike you yourself, we don’t hate you. We just want the best for you. But you simply will not listen and instead call us a cult. So people will respond to you less and less, some will even block you or already have because they justifiably perceive your perspective on being trans as transphobic, you will continue doing what you do and in three decades you will John, 50. As long as you refuse to stray from your current trajectory, this is how it will end for you.