I could essentially just do certain things that will help but not transition because I don’t want to be a hon and I don’t want to be a tranny because I know that transitioning will ruin my entire life forever…

I could do laser hair removal, voice training, let my hair grow out, skin care, try androgynous fashion, female body workout but simply not take Estrogen. Maybe all that will help me feel less disgusting with myself but also will allow me to avoid being seen as a worthless subhuman end up a failed, infertile, limp dick, ugly boobed, third gender freak tranny…

If I toon, boobs will make me an obvious trannt and Raxolafine might fail but if it succeeds and I do face pass then I’ve wasted years and the ability to have boobs which will immediately make non-passing. And if I troon then I’ll be infertile and won’t work done there which will make undesirable to 90% of people. There is simply no way to do it… if I try it one way, I’ll fail in a different way… not taking E is the only way where I won’t fail as a human being honestly…

It’s too late, I’m too old, I’m too ugly, I’m too male.

Maybe I’m gonna make it worse this way because of eventual twink death but I was never a twink anyway and never looked cute. I was always extremely visibly masculine and never pretty… So maybe I shouldn’t even femboycope and instead just idk performative male cope as hard as possible. I swear to God I would believe I had a little of a chance if my body and face weren’t as horrifically male but they are… transition will not work for me

Being a tranny is a miserable marginalized existence anyway so why choose that… and before you say John 50, he at least made it to 50y old, but for actually as a hon I’d kill myself before 30y old. And even if I end up at 50, I will either continue repping if I’ve been able to do it for 30 years or if my mind breaks and I end up a John 50 then I would simply not troon and instead just kill myself, having lived a good life with 30 years of being a good man.

Isn’t this reasonable…

      • rank1bedrotter
        2·
        27 days ago

        So am I, and yet I’m better off on e purely because it makes existing slightly more bearable inside my head even if nothings really changed physically

  • RtHonAlice
    2·
    27 days ago

    let my hair grow out

    You’re already losing your hair at lightning speed tbhon, if you want long hair nothing but HRT can save you.

      • RtHonAlice
        2·
        27 days ago

        It’s bad, especially because you’re so young. It shows the Norwood reaper is putting in overtime.

        • RepressorBoyOP
          1·
          27 days ago

          Well fuck… isn’t it too late in that sense… if so much is so wrong. If my chances of success are so little… why shouldn’t I just give up and give myself over into this horrible fate… instead of fighting against it… just to fail regardless

          • RtHonAlice
            2·
            27 days ago

            No, HRT causes massive regrowth and the sooner you take HRT after losing the hair, the higher the chances of regrowth are. If anything it’s an incentive to start HRT.

            • RepressorBoyOP
              1·
              27 days ago

              Yeah… honestly… if I start at 21… I might as well kill myself… I need to start as soon as possible but life hates me. Every vendor is shutting down. Doctors want to hondose me for 6 monthes before giving me a good dose. Society wants us dead for being ugly and being trans. And my family hates me too and will hurt me. And fertility clinics will have me wait for a long time.

              How the fuck am I supposed to make it when there’s 10.000 things happening simultaneously that make life miserable

              • RtHonAlice
                2·
                27 days ago

                By just doing it, the same way as all of us. You’re not the first one to do it, nor will you be the last. But it needs to be done.

  • garlicgirl
    1·
    26 days ago

    The moment i found 4tran4 and hrt was the moment my life ended, theres no winning situation. Not trutrans enough to desperately need hrt, but still dysphoric enough for it to be like a parasite taking up my thoughts. I want hrt to be the fix in my life but im half sure that itll just make things worse. Fmsftl

      • garlicgirl
        2·
        23 days ago

        No dysphoria, didnt think about my gender much if at all. I wanted to be a femboy bc i was a faggot but that was it. But then i found 4t4 and the effects of hrt and transtimelines and my brain latched on and it wont leave me tf alone !! It sucks…

        • ✿hannah✿
          2·
          23 days ago

          Yeah I didn’t have any dysphoria really, just agp stuff when I was a kid, but no obvious tranny thoughts really until I also found 4t4 and hrt,… And that was it. Basically got ROGD and now tranny thoughts consume my day