I could essentially just do certain things that will help but not transition because I don’t want to be a hon and I don’t want to be a tranny because I know that transitioning will ruin my entire life forever…

I could do laser hair removal, voice training, let my hair grow out, skin care, try androgynous fashion, female body workout but simply not take Estrogen. Maybe all that will help me feel less disgusting with myself but also will allow me to avoid being seen as a worthless subhuman end up a failed, infertile, limp dick, ugly boobed, third gender freak tranny…

If I toon, boobs will make me an obvious trannt and Raxolafine might fail but if it succeeds and I do face pass then I’ve wasted years and the ability to have boobs which will immediately make non-passing. And if I troon then I’ll be infertile and won’t work done there which will make undesirable to 90% of people. There is simply no way to do it… if I try it one way, I’ll fail in a different way… not taking E is the only way where I won’t fail as a human being honestly…

It’s too late, I’m too old, I’m too ugly, I’m too male.

Maybe I’m gonna make it worse this way because of eventual twink death but I was never a twink anyway and never looked cute. I was always extremely visibly masculine and never pretty… So maybe I shouldn’t even femboycope and instead just idk performative male cope as hard as possible. I swear to God I would believe I had a little of a chance if my body and face weren’t as horrifically male but they are… transition will not work for me

Being a tranny is a miserable marginalized existence anyway so why choose that… and before you say John 50, he at least made it to 50y old, but for actually as a hon I’d kill myself before 30y old. And even if I end up at 50, I will either continue repping if I’ve been able to do it for 30 years or if my mind breaks and I end up a John 50 then I would simply not troon and instead just kill myself, having lived a good life with 30 years of being a good man.

Isn’t this reasonable…