It feels like the past three weeks have somehow flown by, and I can’t really remember anything that’s happend or that I’ve done. I got super confused when I realized that the month is almost over already, it’s like my consciousness somehow skipped a few weeks.

I keep imagining a life for myself that will never come to pass, and I keep dissociating so heavily whenever I see my body or my face that it has somehow ceased to register as “me”. If I think about it logically, I’m aware that I will never be a cis woman or even pass at all, but somehow my brain has switched to delusion mode or something because I just daydream about it all day and it almost feels like it’s gonna be true one day despite everything.

I feel like a crashout is coming. This can’t end well. I might end up in the psych ward soon, idk.

  • deafsky
    3·
    2 months ago

    two days ago i was actually talking to my therapist about memory loss due to dissociation… it’s uncanny that i don’t remember barely anything from the past couple of weeks… i’m sry, i hope u get better :c

  • rank1bedrotter
    2·
    2 months ago

    Literally me

    Being inside all day and free will to do anything I want to do (or more accurately not do) leads me straight into that

    Not a good thing when I have exams coming up tho

    • nebyOP
      1·
      2 months ago

      Oh, I actually do go outside and do things, but somehow it feels like I’m just going through the motions. I just got home from the gym, but it already feels distant and fuzzy, as if it happened days ago.

      • rank1bedrotter
        1·
        2 months ago

        Yeah that’s how I was when I still had to go in for lectures and whatnot

        But now that im on study break… yeah. It got so much worse

        • nebyOP
          2·
          2 months ago

          I think I had a brief window of clarity when I stopped repping, but over time my brain retreated back into its shell and now it feels like my head is filled with cotton candy.