It feels like the past three weeks have somehow flown by, and I can’t really remember anything that’s happend or that I’ve done. I got super confused when I realized that the month is almost over already, it’s like my consciousness somehow skipped a few weeks.

I keep imagining a life for myself that will never come to pass, and I keep dissociating so heavily whenever I see my body or my face that it has somehow ceased to register as “me”. If I think about it logically, I’m aware that I will never be a cis woman or even pass at all, but somehow my brain has switched to delusion mode or something because I just daydream about it all day and it almost feels like it’s gonna be true one day despite everything.

I feel like a crashout is coming. This can’t end well. I might end up in the psych ward soon, idk.