when i was 13, i would fantasize about blasting komm susser tod from my phone speakers and jumping in front of a subway and then hearing the “tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling doooowwn…” repeat from further and further away as i lay there as a bloody pulp on the subway tracks and everyone’s screaming and staring in horror
Yeah that makes sense… haven’t started yet?
And I think I may do a loading dose so like a much higher starting dose for it to get into target levels faster.
I don’t know about that… heard a dose thats too high at the start can blunt estrogen receptors
Heard that too. Will have to do more research but I think because of testosterone suppression it won’t go over the target levels. When you look at a graph with a lower dose it slowly builds up before going stable. With a higher one it should just be a faster jumpstart.
Yeah but with a higher one it might idk jump high and then drop or then won’t be as effective with regards to feminization cause the receptors where like “too much too fast, time to downregulate estrogen sensitivity” and that worries me
Waiting for it to arrive, crazy delays and I’m sad. Would already got HRT today, but have to wait 2 more weeks. I hope I won’t masculinize much.
Yeah I understand… honestly I don’t know if I’m being crazy but I feel in the last 3 weeks my ribcage has been getting bigger. I think I’m straight up developing bdd…
You never know. Better to start HRT than rep. Or conpare old photos
Honeslty I think kms is the best option
If you kill yourself you’ll make others more miserable than you’d ever do by transitioning. You’ll also cause pain in the world. A net negative. And I don’t think a god would take it kindly. Would he prefer you to transition and be happy with yourself, or to give up completely? You can only kill yourself once you actually transition and it doesn’t work out, then you’ll know it was justified.
I think my family would rather that I’ve died young than me becoming this. They’ve told me many times. My mother told me many times that she wished I had died. That I’d never have been born.
I’m a mistake. Mistakes are corrected
Everything just hurts. And it doesn’t end.
How long have you been repping for?
First AGP thoughts at 15y old. Realized I am bisexual at 17y old. Reperative therapy since then. Repress. Accept I am bisexual at 18y old. Gender questioning at 18y old. Crossdress once sexually. Shame. Repress. Outed by parents at 18y old. Fleeing home to a queer shelter. Breakdown and realizing I’m trans at 19y old. ROGD develops. Now about a year of conscious repping and daily obessional thoughts about gender.