It’s so fucking annoying but I can’t help it. I still can’t understand how I didn’t question anything until 20. I still cant understand how I was porn addicted and basically didn’t have bottom dysphoria until questioning. Every time someone posts some bs about faketrans this faketrans that I start spiraling and the doubting starts all over again. The new legendary cope that I discovered because of Will Powers is that since I don’t have hypospadias I’m faketrans LIKE DO U HEAR HOW STUPID THIS IS ALL IS.
Everything points to faketrans rogd yet I have no intention of getting off estradiol and have experienced no reverse dysphoria.
I mean it’s just so retarded. What man would give himself gyno and be happy with it? What man would willingly give himself ED and low libido??
I think the source of the problem is that I still haven’t truly accepted that I’m a tranny. I just can’t believe it it’s all so surreal.
I’m sorry if these posts are really annoying and dumb I’ll stop posting if I’m just being annoying :(
ur trvtrans though girl. Did you order your estradiol yet??? Do I need to bully you into doing it
I’m right now taking with a smarty tech genius to become a super spy… dont know if that counts but I’ve got a consult with my doctor st the end of next month. Cause I still want to freeze sperm before starting HRT… so idk… maybe I am forced to wait… yk… idk… I can’t still set up everything though already and order… but right now I am doing weird spy stuff hehehe…
And yes, you bullying me would be nice.
Sorry, I’m retarded. Don’t be anrgy pls 🫂🥺
Sperm banking? Hmm, I don’t want it to seem like I’m judging you for thinking about doing this. But is this really something you want to do, or is it kind of an expectation placed on you by society or your family? Also I don’t think e is going to completely kill your sperm count so fast that you shouldn’t get on hrt right away. You’re like 19 or something right? You should really be getting on hrt asap imo
Also I’m gonna be 20 in like two monthes
Well during puberty I would cry my eyes out at the thought of being childless because I always wanted to be a better father than my own. Well now I don’t want to be a man. I don’t know if I can be a mother. Ever. Who would want a tranny mother, right. But I also am afraid of dying alone when I am old and also I love children and always am so happy when I spend time with my much younger cousins and take care of them. It makes me happy. Of course being a parent would be so much more difficult. But idk if I’ll ever get the chance to be a cool aunt cause it could be that my family completely rejects me forever. And so maybe I should hold that door open for myself. I don’t know if being trans makes me somebody who even deserves or is capable of being a parent. But I used to be so afraid that God would punish me with childlessness and now I’m supposed to give away the ability to do it just like that. Idk… idk it’s so difficult :(
There’s more than one way to be a mother. You don’t have to have biological offspring. You can adopt. You don’t even have to have children of your own. You can be the nurturing, motherly aunt that everybody loves to hang around. I think you should watch season 1 of Pose, and you’ll see what I mean. You can absolutely be a mother and be trans.
I don’t want to be too pushy because it’s your life. But what are you even gonna do with the sperm? I mean personally the prospect of inseminating another woman makes me gag. Idk I don’t want to make you spiral or doubt or anything, I just hope sperm banking isn’t a way of procrastinating getting on hrt. But if you’re certain this is something you want to do then go for it
I don’t know… I don’t really want to adopt cause I don’t really know how I’d raise a child that looks different from me and has nothing from my likeness. So I don’t think I could do that, don’t think I’d like to do adoption. And when it comes to being an auntie, well my family could reject me because they wouldn’t want a tranny around their kids because I’d be a supposedly corrupting influence. And with the sperm itself… idk maybe one day I end up in a lesbain relationship with a cis girl and we’d want a baby. But like idk if I’m gonna end up with a cis man. But like why would anybody even stay with me. A guy would leave cause I can’t give him children. And why would a cis girl want the babies of a tranny. And yes insemination sounds really yucky and weird. But what else am I supposed to do. Just be infertile with no future and unlovable and a biological dead end that will die alone. Idk… what am I supposed to do. I’ll always be yucky. Nobody loves us. A guy will leave me for a real girl and a lesbian cis girl would be disgusted with being pregnant probably. Aren’t queer people anyway just the dead bad people with no children. We are just like… a corruption. Ugh. Idk. I’m just so stupid. And feel so broken. I at least want to say “no, I’m not broken. I could have children if I want. Please don’t hate me” because I don’t want to end up the ugly infertile disgusting tranny. I can’t give birth. I’m not cis. I will never have that role. Never have the value (and yes neither the oppression) that comes with that and I know that it makes me so so so so so so so so so so much less worth than any cis women or human being. Let me at least idk… not be too damaged. I just… ugh… I’m damaged anyway.
I don’t think there are any good answers, I’m sorry. It just sucks… I definitely get the feeling of being “broken”
Just please know that you have worth. You are worth more than your ability to reproduce (or lack thereof :/ ) I just hope one day you can find someone that values you for you
also I feel guilty I’m pretty sure I made you spiral, sorry about that 🫂
I’m okay, don’t worry. It just sucks. You’re right about that. I just think that I somehow have to hold on a little longer until this somehow works out and hopefully I dont have to wait months. The only real benefit I could see in all of this is preparation time… like somehow doing certain things before starting HRT. But then again I would have to actively do that instead of just sitting around which is difficult if I’m depressed haha