Yippie!!!
Yaayy!! Congrats
Happy for you and wishing you the best!
Congratulations. GIWTWM.
How did you push through the fear of not passing and the fear of being faketrans and fear of the future enough for you to take the step and actually do it and how do you plan to maintain hope?
If I’m not going to pass then I will try to surgerymaxx or kms but i know repping will also kill me so j decided to actually try being who I want to be. I have never seen a faketrans person who wants to kill themselves because they aren’t a woman so I just stopped worrying about it. I plan to make this a routine and try to live my life knowing that at least slightly I’m going to get better.
What if I’m just bpd suicide larping? That way I can be suicidal about it and still faketrans anyway. So yeah… checkmate. Also surgeries at least to me feel more illegitimate and unnatural than HRT which is why I hope HRT alone will help me pass. Idk… I am retarded. Also faketrans?
That’s a really complicated way of explaining something that can be caused by way simpler thing wich is just being trans. I also tried thinking things like this but it was too complex for me to actually believe it. Surgeries are kind of illegitimate but I’m planning to look like a woman and not being the most natural person ever since testosterone poisoning is enough of a disadvantage. I know it’s hard but accepting what you have and working with it is genuinely the only thing you can do
My mind doesn’t care and loves to try to kill me so it will use whatever pseudo-science and explanation will work to pathologize myself.
Homosexuality --> Father Attachment Failure, Mirroring Failure, Narcissism, Meta-Attraction…
Trans Thoughts --> Autogynephilia, Autosexual Developmental Fixation, Autosexual Narcissim…
Queerness --> Lifestyle Choice, Secular Hedonism, Life > Death, Godless, Evolutionary Defect, Social Contagion, Mental Ilnesss…
Reperative Therapy --> Feeling is okay, Behavior is not, no need to change orientation, sublimate…
Yeah… and it makes me want to kill myself.
Just do your injection, nona. Plz plz plz just do it. Your body will keep getting worse just do it. I still have the faketrans doubting all the time but idc e removed my erections and that makes me feel better. There’s no hope on T but maybe a little bit on e. Just do ur injection
Today my arab mother talked with me about trans people and you can imagine how that went. Im afraid my family already knows or will out me soon and it puts me at danger tbh and also the mental pain of Transitioning in secret while also having almost weekly visits with my family will simply be impossible but I also can’t get away from my family. And it just kills me.
I want to do HRT but if I do my family will just drive me into suicide through guilt and emotional and religilus pressure. If I transition my family will emotionally abuse me with their transphobia or maybe even force me to detransition. I can’t survive this. You say please start, but during this conversation today where I lied about trans people being something I have nothing to do with, all I wanted was to kill myself.
And that’s beside all the practical difficulties of transition. It is simply all so… impossible.
Sorry… but I won’t make it.
I’m so sorry, your situation sounds horrible… I wish there was some way to help but it sounds like you’ve thought about the logistics of transitioning with your familial situation extensively. I wish you the best 🫂
Had to flee from them for being bisexual. Now I am at a queer shelter, can stay here for some undefined length of time. Got my “own” place but family essentially emotionally forces me to always spend time with them and I oblige because I also love them and need them but it also can be extremely mentally exhausting and also there is the constant fear that they might hurt me or lock me up again if I start being more visibly queer, have a boyfriend, wear alt or fem stuff and especially if there are physical changes from transition. Like they freak out at me wearing bracelets and refusing to cut my hair.
What am I supposed to do. And my mom keeps talking about God, who I do believe in, but it makes me feel so guilty and just throws me back into the mindset I was in during reperative therapy 2 and 1/2 years ago and makes me so suicidal…
Idk… thank you for your kind words.
