I don’t know what to do anymore…

The last few days I’ve kept hearing the same message over and over again… how important it is for them that they have me as their son and brother. How they love me. How they could never imagine it all being in any way different. That I am their boy.

Talking to my mother and her crying and saying how much she loves me and how happy she is to have a son and how she relies on me and how when she is old there is nobody to help her except her two sons, me and my brother, and how happy she is to have a son like me and how important it is that I am strong.

Talking to my father and him expressing his pride in me being his son, not because I’m perfect or as masculine like my brother, but because he would lile me to be more like him and is happy I don’t object.

Talking to my brother and him crying, saying how lonely he is and how happy he is to have a brother and how he couldn’t survive if it were only him and my sister and my mother. How me being there as his brother balances things out and how the dynamic won’t ever change, how he couldn’t handle if it did. And how depressed he was when I went away and how we both will forever be brothers… and how he is so happy to have a brother because there are things only another man can understand and that he can only talk about with me and not with our sister.

I can’t… I can’t do it… I can’t transition…

If I do that… I’m taking everything away from them and will be killing their son, leaving my mother alone with only one son, she feels she can rely on, while she has to be ashamed of the other being a ugly and offensive Immitation of a woman, who will invoke disgust and rejection in his sister and the World.

If I do that… I’m taking away his brother and he will feel all alone and lose his brother and will feel alone amongst two real women and one disgusting tranny and he will be ashamed and feel rejected and will feel like he can’t talk with anybody anymore because the only other man in the house is gone. That he will not have a brother anymore. I will have taken that away from him, from my family…

I can’t do it… I can’t transition…