I don’t know what to do anymore…
The last few days I’ve kept hearing the same message over and over again… how important it is for them that they have me as their son and brother. How they love me. How they could never imagine it all being in any way different. That I am their boy.
Talking to my mother and her crying and saying how much she loves me and how happy she is to have a son and how she relies on me and how when she is old there is nobody to help her except her two sons, me and my brother, and how happy she is to have a son like me and how important it is that I am strong.
Talking to my father and him expressing his pride in me being his son, not because I’m perfect or as masculine like my brother, but because he would lile me to be more like him and is happy I don’t object.
Talking to my brother and him crying, saying how lonely he is and how happy he is to have a brother and how he couldn’t survive if it were only him and my sister and my mother. How me being there as his brother balances things out and how the dynamic won’t ever change, how he couldn’t handle if it did. And how depressed he was when I went away and how we both will forever be brothers… and how he is so happy to have a brother because there are things only another man can understand and that he can only talk about with me and not with our sister.
I can’t… I can’t do it… I can’t transition…
If I do that… I’m taking everything away from them and will be killing their son, leaving my mother alone with only one son, she feels she can rely on, while she has to be ashamed of the other being a ugly and offensive Immitation of a woman, who will invoke disgust and rejection in his sister and the World.
If I do that… I’m taking away his brother and he will feel all alone and lose his brother and will feel alone amongst two real women and one disgusting tranny and he will be ashamed and feel rejected and will feel like he can’t talk with anybody anymore because the only other man in the house is gone. That he will not have a brother anymore. I will have taken that away from him, from my family…
I can’t do it… I can’t transition…
You are not their son, you are just a daughter they forced into a role she didnt want
That is not true…
This will happen to me like exact same thing. But I won’t look back, I can’t.
Sadly I have no choice but to stay… if I leave my mother will kill herself
I mean, you’re their sibling and child, that won’t change, I’m assuming transitioning won’t really mess up family dynamics… As they depend on who you are rather than your sexual status…
It does greatly depend on that because I’m not merely a person, I’m a role… son and brother and changing that will mess up everything and they will hate me and hurt me
Yeah… relatable. Sorry
How do you deal with it… I feel trapped
I try not to think about it, though I’m still content in playing my role, labels aren’t important to me. My parents can still see me as a son, my sister, a brother. I’ll be my own woman. I’m going to internalise my identity. I’m not going to let anyone affect me, calling myself something I’m not. I know who I am and I’m secure in that. Yet, if they don’t accept me, which is literally who I was, who I am and who I will be, I mean my personality is the same lmao. Then so be it. I can’t force anyone to accept me. It’ll be up to them to decide whether to accept me or not.
At this point I feel we should just go out of each other’s way. I know this path will make you unhappy, on the other hand I don’t feel continuing to pressure you into taking HRT benefits your well-being. That being said, people repping makes me unhappy too and I can only take so much misery. I would like to preserve my resilience for people whose stories aren’t a choice. I think I will block you, not out of spite, but because I feel reading each other’s posts does neither of us any favours. Our paths will only diverge further with me putting in effort in my transition and you putting in effort in preventing yours. I hope things will work out for you, even though in all honesty I don’t see any realistic way for that to happen, which is why I tried so hard to guide you in the only direction I can see as healthy in the first place. I have seen your determination and at some point I simply have to respect it. This is it.
I’m so sorry dysphoria girl… I wish I could say something useful but I genuinely don’t know… I hope you come to a decision that you won’t regret though… 🫂
Anything… I don’t know what to do
I would obviously say you should hrtrep but its different because I’m not afraid of failing as a son and my parents can kick rocks if they think I “killed him” or whatever.
