This sharp pain that I’m feeling, radiating from my heart to my arms, the anguish, the unease, the desire to escape it. I feel it on a daily basis. Yet it never gets easier to process. I understand that it’ll never end. How do I accept it? How do I accept it as a part of my existance? Each episode puts me one step closer towards my death. It’s just the matter of time before that happens. A time will come when my suffering will be so unbearable that I’ll chose the easy way out. I can’t depend on my transition entirely. It could always fail. What then?
I know that I like to create things, and I sometimes do. But I’m so addicted to constant stimulation that I can’t even force myself to do some work. I’d like to make some art. The problem is I like too many things at once so I end up being medicore at all of them. I also should try doing makeup.
You gotta give yourself permission to make mediocre work! You kinda have to make that stuff, like the mediocre creations are what stand between you and the good ones, and the only way to get there is to make them. You should do it!