hrt was supposed to help. it was supposed to at least make me feel better even if i couldnt pass. but it hasnt. i cant keep going like this. i genuinely want to give up and rep. i will never afford anything i need to be happy and continuing has only led to further declines in my mental health.

2 years of grief and pain just to end up looking the same as i did before but skinnier and with gyno. who could blame me for wanting to give up? if its all making me more miserable than i was before, then giving up would be the smart thing to do.

i get it, its my own decision to make. im not asking for permission. im just tired. im so tired. i dont have any real paths forward. there is no light at the end of the tunnel. no joy has been found in trying, just further despair and pain. and im tired of hurting.

    • AlexOP
      1·
      9 days ago

      staving off masculinization means nothing when im already 100% male looking. and idk, continuing just means ill keep obsessing over my appearance over and over vs going back to dissociating and ignoring it like when i was repping. that hurts far, far less

  • Allie
    3·
    9 days ago

    I understand your pain is significant, but I think you have a real opportunity to make this work. You deleted your selfie post before I could send my comment, but I was going to say that the glasses don’t suit you, and if you had more flattering frames and some makeup, it really feels like you could make this work. This is your choice, and you should do what is best for you. But I think it would be foolish to quit without making a serious effort at steering your presentation so that you are recognized as a woman.

    • AlexOP
      3·
      9 days ago

      i have other frames, and they dont help. makeup might, and i know this makes me an “efforthon” or whatever but i dont care about makeup. i hardly have the energy to what i already do for skin care and such. im tired. idk, im sorry.

      • Allie
        3·
        9 days ago

        It’s ok. I know how exhausting this all can be. It’s so deeply unfair that life beats the shit out of us and then we’re supposed to just find all of this power in our reserves. You’ve worked very hard and you don’t need to apologize.

        I wish it could be easier.

    • AlexOP
      2·
      9 days ago

      ive lost weight and started laser. that’s whats changed. i look male, i get gendered exclusively male before speaking, my mom agrees i look male and she’s supportive. i wont be gaslit