I want to get hurt if I am being honest… I am sorry… maybe I could make you and others happy and be of some use if I allowed people to bully me and scream at me and hit me and humiliate me for their entertainment…
Maybe then I could even be good… maybe I can be good if I am abused… maybe I can be good and somebody is gonna be proud of me if I get abused and make them happy by letting them abuse me… Maybe I should let people here on this site do that… maybe I want you all to hate me because that feels more okay and makes more sense to me… I am just so worthless and disgusting and dumb
BUT I AM NOT A NORMAL PERSON AND CANT FEEL BETTER. EVERYTHING JUST KEEPS HURTING AND I HAVE TO FIRST MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL BUT THERE IS NO RHYME OR REASON TO ALL OF THIS EXCEPT THE ANSWER WHICH IS THAT I AM COMPLETELY MENTALLY FUCKED UP AND NONE OF THIS IS ACTUALLY REAL AND IT’S ALL IN MY HEAD. I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED AND IF SOMEBODY BEATS ME THEN NOT ONLY DO THEY CONFIRM THAT I AM BAD BUT MAYBE THEN BECAUSE I DO WHAT THEY WANT I CAN ACTUALLY ALSO BE GOOD. WHY CANT ANBODY JUST ADMIT I AM BAD!!!
If they are laced with testosterone and rat poison… okay
You dumb motherfucker, I swear to god
I want to get hurt if I am being honest… I am sorry… maybe I could make you and others happy and be of some use if I allowed people to bully me and scream at me and hit me and humiliate me for their entertainment…
Maybe then I could even be good… maybe I can be good if I am abused… maybe I can be good and somebody is gonna be proud of me if I get abused and make them happy by letting them abuse me… Maybe I should let people here on this site do that… maybe I want you all to hate me because that feels more okay and makes more sense to me… I am just so worthless and disgusting and dumb
Fuck off, I just want you to feel better like a normal person.
BUT I AM NOT A NORMAL PERSON AND CANT FEEL BETTER. EVERYTHING JUST KEEPS HURTING AND I HAVE TO FIRST MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL BUT THERE IS NO RHYME OR REASON TO ALL OF THIS EXCEPT THE ANSWER WHICH IS THAT I AM COMPLETELY MENTALLY FUCKED UP AND NONE OF THIS IS ACTUALLY REAL AND IT’S ALL IN MY HEAD. I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED AND IF SOMEBODY BEATS ME THEN NOT ONLY DO THEY CONFIRM THAT I AM BAD BUT MAYBE THEN BECAUSE I DO WHAT THEY WANT I CAN ACTUALLY ALSO BE GOOD. WHY CANT ANBODY JUST ADMIT I AM BAD!!!
I am sorry for screaming :(