BUT I AM NOT A NORMAL PERSON AND CANT FEEL BETTER. EVERYTHING JUST KEEPS HURTING AND I HAVE TO FIRST MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL BUT THERE IS NO RHYME OR REASON TO ALL OF THIS EXCEPT THE ANSWER WHICH IS THAT I AM COMPLETELY MENTALLY FUCKED UP AND NONE OF THIS IS ACTUALLY REAL AND IT’S ALL IN MY HEAD. I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED AND IF SOMEBODY BEATS ME THEN NOT ONLY DO THEY CONFIRM THAT I AM BAD BUT MAYBE THEN BECAUSE I DO WHAT THEY WANT I CAN ACTUALLY ALSO BE GOOD. WHY CANT ANBODY JUST ADMIT I AM BAD!!!