yeah i lowk just came to this strange world
I’ve had lifelong superstitions about being here for thousands of years that started from a flash of insight I had while gazing out the car window at like 4 years old, and my religion at the time didn’t even have reincarnation nor do I think I was properly exposed to the concept, it was just a seemingly random spark of absolute conviction that felt profound that has stuck with me and continuously reinforced itself throughout the years. I can’t like logically defend it, in fact I’m probably just delusional and retarded, but I struggle to emotionally un-convince myself
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Yeah I don’t think it’s reasoned either. I’d probably be like a strict-materialist edgy anti-theist type of person without my experiences. The only thing I can compare to first realizing how incredibly old I was would probably be… like, when Light re-touched the Death Note after making himself forget ever owning it. Like bits and pieces of the history of the world, most of the events mundane, others big and historical, from various perspectives, all vaguely beamed into my head at once, all of those beings finally culminating into “me”. Then it felt like I was truly cognizant for the first time in my life, and I said some shit to my Mom like “I’ve been here forever” while gazing off into the distance lmfao
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That’s a real interesting way of coping, and I can’t say I even disagree with the general direction. Personally I had weird suspicions that my previous life was that of a woman who died young with a lot of wishes left unfulfilled, and, like, her spark must be living on in me, with parts of the consciousness and sense of self she developed in her life desperately clinging to life despite her new material form being that of a man, hence why the mental map of my previous female body overlays on that of the current male one. The parts of my identity formed by my experiences in this body was seen as my male side, but even tho it felt a part of me, I felt like “she” had a more desperate calling in this world, and was basically begging to take the driver seat but found the bodies configuration too mismatched for it to be worth it. When I first trooned out, I kinda conceived of it as, like… creating a home that’s suitable enough for “her”. “She” simply became “me” after like 6 months of estrogen, at which point things stopped being compartmentalized in such mystical terms and the dualism somewhat broke down… lost its use I guess. Sometimes it kinda comes back. Pretty much everyday, on a metaphysical level, I feel like 75% female at the very least, if not just like 100%… it’s somewhat variable but the direction is always obvious.
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It makes sense why not everybody can cope in that way. I’d oscillate between believing it and finding it comforting, to calling myself retarded for ever entertaining it, and at many times even priding myself on fighting back the “schizo thoughts”.
It’s not exactly a rock-solid foundation for transitioning or justifying it, and I’m not one to make neurosex up to be something so concrete. But like… as I’ve always been naturally inclined to the esoteric… and as I did have the “phantom sensations”, the “something is mismatched with spirit and body” explanation worked internally… but like, I could never look a cisoid atheist in the eye and tell them this shit without feeling insane (and I’ve yet to do that), tho I can often trust trannies to at least interpret it as the repper brain working mysteriously… which I suppose is part of why the popularity of that narrative always struck me as somewhat odd optically… as while I honestly could relate to it, perhaps more intensely than most, I don’t feel like it has particularly great optics in an increasingly secular world, nor does it encompass all or even most of the rationalizations for transition that are out there, many of which seem perfectly valid to me.
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interesting experience you had at such a young age. have you had other similar experiences throughout life?
Similar experiences, yes. Sometimes I’ll certainly get flashes of memories that couldn’t have occurred in my lifetime. But the first time it happened was much more “all at once” compared to how it usually goes. I also have weird connections to certain eras of certain cities, like 1960’s St. Louis… looking at pictures of that place during that period of time absolutely feels like home, it’s uncanny af. Similar thing with 1790’s Paris, like reading about the Reign of Terror always felt terribly personal, and some of the more chaotic memories I’ve had longest mirror the architecture of the time, as well as political climate, guillotines, etc
you are correct
I’m always on the money 🤑 💯
i was a shrimp in my last life i did my time
Everybody says I’m an old soul. Maybe I was Adolf Hitler in my last life. That would explain why I’m a Jewish tranny in this one?
I think I have a guardian angel but I don’t know if I have a soul that’ll live on
