That’s a real interesting way of coping, and I can’t say I even disagree with the general direction. Personally I had weird suspicions that my previous life was that of a woman who died young with a lot of wishes left unfulfilled, and, like, her spark must be living on in me, with parts of the consciousness and sense of self she developed in her life desperately clinging to life despite her new material form being that of a man, hence why the mental map of my previous female body overlays on that of the current male one. The parts of my identity formed by my experiences in this body was seen as my male side, but even tho it felt a part of me, I felt like “she” had a more desperate calling in this world, and was basically begging to take the driver seat but found the bodies configuration too mismatched for it to be worth it. When I first trooned out, I kinda conceived of it as, like… creating a home that’s suitable enough for “her”. “She” simply became “me” after like 6 months of estrogen, at which point things stopped being compartmentalized in such mystical terms and the dualism somewhat broke down… lost its use I guess. Sometimes it kinda comes back. Pretty much everyday, on a metaphysical level, I feel like 75% female at the very least, if not just like 100%… it’s somewhat variable but the direction is always obvious.
It makes sense why not everybody can cope in that way. I’d oscillate between believing it and finding it comforting, to calling myself retarded for ever entertaining it, and at many times even priding myself on fighting back the “schizo thoughts”.
It’s not exactly a rock-solid foundation for transitioning or justifying it, and I’m not one to make neurosex up to be something so concrete. But like… as I’ve always been naturally inclined to the esoteric… and as I did have the “phantom sensations”, the “something is mismatched with spirit and body” explanation worked internally… but like, I could never look a cisoid atheist in the eye and tell them this shit without feeling insane (and I’ve yet to do that), tho I can often trust trannies to at least interpret it as the repper brain working mysteriously… which I suppose is part of why the popularity of that narrative always struck me as somewhat odd optically… as while I honestly could relate to it, perhaps more intensely than most, I don’t feel like it has particularly great optics in an increasingly secular world, nor does it encompass all or even most of the rationalizations for transition that are out there, many of which seem perfectly valid to me.
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That’s a real interesting way of coping, and I can’t say I even disagree with the general direction. Personally I had weird suspicions that my previous life was that of a woman who died young with a lot of wishes left unfulfilled, and, like, her spark must be living on in me, with parts of the consciousness and sense of self she developed in her life desperately clinging to life despite her new material form being that of a man, hence why the mental map of my previous female body overlays on that of the current male one. The parts of my identity formed by my experiences in this body was seen as my male side, but even tho it felt a part of me, I felt like “she” had a more desperate calling in this world, and was basically begging to take the driver seat but found the bodies configuration too mismatched for it to be worth it. When I first trooned out, I kinda conceived of it as, like… creating a home that’s suitable enough for “her”. “She” simply became “me” after like 6 months of estrogen, at which point things stopped being compartmentalized in such mystical terms and the dualism somewhat broke down… lost its use I guess. Sometimes it kinda comes back. Pretty much everyday, on a metaphysical level, I feel like 75% female at the very least, if not just like 100%… it’s somewhat variable but the direction is always obvious.
deleted by creator
It makes sense why not everybody can cope in that way. I’d oscillate between believing it and finding it comforting, to calling myself retarded for ever entertaining it, and at many times even priding myself on fighting back the “schizo thoughts”.
It’s not exactly a rock-solid foundation for transitioning or justifying it, and I’m not one to make neurosex up to be something so concrete. But like… as I’ve always been naturally inclined to the esoteric… and as I did have the “phantom sensations”, the “something is mismatched with spirit and body” explanation worked internally… but like, I could never look a cisoid atheist in the eye and tell them this shit without feeling insane (and I’ve yet to do that), tho I can often trust trannies to at least interpret it as the repper brain working mysteriously… which I suppose is part of why the popularity of that narrative always struck me as somewhat odd optically… as while I honestly could relate to it, perhaps more intensely than most, I don’t feel like it has particularly great optics in an increasingly secular world, nor does it encompass all or even most of the rationalizations for transition that are out there, many of which seem perfectly valid to me.
deleted by creator