Yeah… partly… but it also just… feels like nothing… I kinda… I’m not there when it happens… like my mind turns off… it’s not dissociation but it’s just like a not-me state… and I also just… I’ve had a very bad development so I’m really abused down there and idk… it’s all just so messed up.
Ugh, why would anybody even keep talking to me after me disclosing that.
Thank you… I just… want to fix it… this has been traumatizing me for years… and I just don’t know how to fix it… sometimes I feel like maybe I don’t even want to… cause I don’t want to give myself a chance… don’t want to mourn… don’t want to get better because it’s easier to think I’m just bad.
You’re really too hard on yourself… You need to treat yourself a little better, by default girl… There’s no going to be any improvement if you’re the first to throw dirt on the grave.
Idk… I feel like I need to succeed… it can’t go on like that… and also that if I don’t idk fix my sexuality then I don’t deserve to transition or be a woman… then I’m just AGP faketrans or even if I am true trans… then my sexuality would ruin transition somehow and make me really ugly bad
The issue is that I have them… And that they are so deformed and no matter what I do with them… I feel bad.
So it seems more like religious guilt… I have it too, but I keep defying it; I don’t want to be controlled by it again.
Yeah… partly… but it also just… feels like nothing… I kinda… I’m not there when it happens… like my mind turns off… it’s not dissociation but it’s just like a not-me state… and I also just… I’ve had a very bad development so I’m really abused down there and idk… it’s all just so messed up.
Ugh, why would anybody even keep talking to me after me disclosing that.
I understand you, girl… Really… You deserved a hug now
Thank you… I just… want to fix it… this has been traumatizing me for years… and I just don’t know how to fix it… sometimes I feel like maybe I don’t even want to… cause I don’t want to give myself a chance… don’t want to mourn… don’t want to get better because it’s easier to think I’m just bad.
You’re really too hard on yourself… You need to treat yourself a little better, by default girl… There’s no going to be any improvement if you’re the first to throw dirt on the grave.
Yeah… I just hope it stops… but I feel so defeated and hurt… I don’t even want to try because I just failed so many times.
So now is not the time to try, but rather to strengthen yourself.
Idk… I feel like I need to succeed… it can’t go on like that… and also that if I don’t idk fix my sexuality then I don’t deserve to transition or be a woman… then I’m just AGP faketrans or even if I am true trans… then my sexuality would ruin transition somehow and make me really ugly bad