I just feel so sad… this deep deep sadness… I just want to be beautiful… I want to be beautiful so much that it hurts… I just want to be loved and to be and feel beautiful and for me to be okay… to be enough… and I’ve just been feeling so sad because I’m so ugly… so ugly and broken… I’m not even pretty and broken… just ugly and broken… and I’m sad… so utterly sad… and I think about how painful it all is… and I just… feel sorry for being bad or doing bad things like trying to be more beautiful in ways that might not be okay but I don’t want God to be angry with me… and I’m so sad because I ask myself if God is gonna understand it and instead of being angry, comfort me… but I don’t feel anything… no presence and so I just sit here and feel cold, and and alone…

And ask myself… am I still lovable if I’m in pain :(

    • DysphoriaGirlOP
      1·
      12 days ago

      Are you thinking of God or your parents right now… big difference… but emotionally… yeah im also still completely fucked up cause once you’ve had that kind of pain, looking towards heaven doesn’t get easier but instead just reminds you of a lot of pain and sometimes it hurt so so deeply. Truth is we hate ourselves

  • pleasantaftertastes
    3·
    12 days ago

    I know it hurts. But you are still lovable in pain, and you are loved. You will be beautiful. Just give these things time. I’m sorry. I know how you feel.

    • pleasantaftertastes
      3·
      12 days ago

      I care for you, and I love you. (as i know you, anyway.) 🫂 You are such a kind and compassionate woman.

    • DysphoriaGirlOP
      2·
      12 days ago

      Thank you… that means a lot… it’s just that I’m sometimes so scared and just want to be good… not bad… and I dont want anybody to scream at me and be angry and hurt me…and me not feeling okay makes people anrgy and annoyed… idk… but thank you for your words.

      • pleasantaftertastes
        2·
        12 days ago

        I know. Please be patient with yourself. I know you’ll enjoy the early effects of HRT. they make you feel like the belle of the ball!

        • DysphoriaGirlOP
          2·
          12 days ago

          Hahaha… yeah… well… need to do that fertility thing first… but I’ve got crypto today… so maybe soon I can even order some HRT…I hope…

    • DysphoriaGirlOP
      1·
      12 days ago

      I really hope so… sometimes it doesn’t feel that way… sometimes I feel like a little scared child that just wants to be loved… and is scared that I made somebody angry and me being in pain and talking about it seems to annoy people and now I just feel alone and sad to even feel bad because if I’m not happy then nobody will love me because they will be sad because of me