I just feel so sad… this deep deep sadness… I just want to be beautiful… I want to be beautiful so much that it hurts… I just want to be loved and to be and feel beautiful and for me to be okay… to be enough… and I’ve just been feeling so sad because I’m so ugly… so ugly and broken… I’m not even pretty and broken… just ugly and broken… and I’m sad… so utterly sad… and I think about how painful it all is… and I just… feel sorry for being bad or doing bad things like trying to be more beautiful in ways that might not be okay but I don’t want God to be angry with me… and I’m so sad because I ask myself if God is gonna understand it and instead of being angry, comfort me… but I don’t feel anything… no presence and so I just sit here and feel cold, and and alone…
And ask myself… am I still lovable if I’m in pain :(
Thank you… that means a lot… it’s just that I’m sometimes so scared and just want to be good… not bad… and I dont want anybody to scream at me and be angry and hurt me…and me not feeling okay makes people anrgy and annoyed… idk… but thank you for your words.
I know. Please be patient with yourself. I know you’ll enjoy the early effects of HRT. they make you feel like the belle of the ball!
Hahaha… yeah… well… need to do that fertility thing first… but I’ve got crypto today… so maybe soon I can even order some HRT…I hope…
I really don’t see the appeal of the fertility thing, but be as quick as you can!
Yeah… it’s sadly not really in my hand…