I know BDD is pretty bad. I know that, but still. People have killed themselves because they’re not like you. Because you WILL pass and they may not. It isn’t fair. It just causes people harm when you’re immensely lucky and say someone with your measurements is doomed. 5’4 or loving parents or good genetics or whatever. It’s potent ropefuel. Then again, I also know what it’s like to have your personal lens distorted. Especially when you’re venting your own frustrations. Sometimes, even repeated confrontation with reality isn’t enough. The beast in our hearts always wants more. It’s a dilemma, but man it sucks.
I am diagnosed with BDD and try not to verbalise it outwardly as frequently as I used to for this reason
but I can promise you that with genuine BDD (idk what proportion of “honlarpers” have genuine BDD) it’s not a bit it is completely serious
like it’s not “ugh I have one clocky feature I’m an ogrehon” it’s “I literally unironically look like a fucking alien or a cave troll”. and it’s what you actually see. it’s not you exaggerating for attention. it’s a literal miswiring of the brain that causes actual BDD, it’s not just a crashout for no reason
Literally, that’s the worst part. Everybody is suffering. It makes me so sad. I absolutely don’t want to come across as someone who scorns people with BDD. I worry for everyone, and I wouldn’t want anyone to fight.
no but i do think that bdd posters like know in some part of their mind that its not true like i bdd posted and i know in a part of my mind that i pass even if i dont pass well enough for my standards but i avoid saying anything about what i actually look like. the thoughts are their true thoughts but at the same time they know that its not as bad as they say
yeah, that’s how it be. You know it’s true, you know you’re better off than most and still you suffer. the beast is still hungry. it makes me sad.
yeah you have to be considerate of people on here because someone killing themselves is a real possibility unfortch
I also feel bad for the BDD poster. Nobody asked for this existence, even people who pass.
youre so smart and kind
Everyone here deserves kindness. I wish you the best, Sophia. You’re brilliant.
youre so sweet thank you
Thing is i look at myself and I see a man yes I know people would like to be like me I know i pass but I still struggle to see myself right it hurts and if I try expressing it almost every other trans person will dismiss me and treat me like shit for being this way. I feel like I’m not allowed to even have issues and if I do I’m the bad guy.
I know it hurts, and it’s not fair. That’s the dilemma. You don’t deserve to be treated poorly for it. In spaces like these, things can be an odd kind of connected competition. We get used to seeing other, similar lives. It sets us off, because we look at the lives of others through the lens of our life and it hurts. I’m very sorry. I mourn for both sides.
how do you even know if you have bdd or not? like i don’t go as far as calling myself an ogrehon but i genuinely see myself as an ugly twinkhon and it hurts me.
See how many of its symptoms line up with you imagine. Depends on the merit you give self-diagnosis. But if you have a nice face and objectively good measurements but still see yourself as a disgusting ogre probably.
i don’t really trust self diagnosis because i know that i hope that i have bdd because it means what i see in the mirror isn’t real. i think deep down i know i don’t have it and im really just an ugly twinkhon
probably BDD.
hmm yeah idk just seems like wishful thinking to me
that’s what someone with BDD would say, TBF
that’s true but i think my self perception is actually pretty accurate. like i don’t think im an ogrehon or anything and all my flaws feel so real
that is also how people with BDD feel. Look at Anna. She often genuinely sees herself as an ogrehon and believes her perception and reasoning to make sense to her.
ok but i actually am an ogrehon thanks to my height sooo i still get to vent right?
all of us can vent.
Me too… I’m an orgerepper
omg nice to meet another ogrerepper! my names emile and i use he him pronouns
It’s not a nice existence… I feel horrible about my body and hate myself while being to scared to start HRT and afraid that it’s not even worth it and that i will forever be ugly and unlovable and male…
So no… not fun… I wont use he/him pronouns or advocate for repping because the pain won’t stop, I don’t need to make it even worse… spiraling regularly in a bpd fashion and making people uncomfortable and annoyed by me being so miserable is already bad enough on its own…
But we can still be friends…
Now go and at least HRTrep… 😑
