Being fat so much of my life taints everything I could describe as dysphoria. Do I hate my legs and arms because I’m fat or because I hate having a muscular body.
I have very few memories in general so I don’t have much of anything from childhood to back up being trans. I was so sure of myself but now that my dad is dead I can’t separate my feelings anymore I feel like I am going to ruin my life. I already have a fake sexuality of being asexual everyone talks about sex and relationships being so big in their lives. It would probably be easier if I could just be normal and want to have a relationship I would know if I wanted to be male or female in that relationship.
I think I also just need to accept if I do hrt then completely regret it testosterone will probably overpower anything estrogen ever did. I’m too old to get anything terribly permanent beyond gyno. ED is the thing that make me want to go on HRT the most so even if that were to continue if I stopped it would be a good thing.
sadly what you say is true, it would be pretty easy to detrans as a lateshit :( but hey, it means you’ve got nothing to lose.
and i can confirm the libido drop-off / genital dysfunction is real and is the one reason i would never go back on t. i would have been much more motivated to get on e if i had known what it did from the get-go.