figuring out that wishing i was trans all the time might mean that im actually just trans

When I told my theyfab girlfriend at the time that I wanted to die and reincarnate as a girl. They and their family literally drove me to planned parenthood and got me on hrt like a week later. Holy fuck they were such a good person and deserved better than me.

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4t4 convinced me to plus i had gotten so bad that i couldn’t function anymore, and was i probably going to kill myself if i didn’t. my first post on 4t4 early 2024 (after lurking since 2021) was as a repper.

Finally taking a long hard look in the mirror and realizing that I would rather commit suicide then look like this for the rest of my life

seeing trump get elected and realized if i dont start now, ill never be able to

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Stopped repping about being trans in general when I accepted that I’ll never be okay with the notion of dying as a woman. Quit identifying as nonbinary and moved onto FtM when I realized that I actually prefer perceived as a man and that this wasn’t influenced by my romantic interests, which occurred sometime after getting on testosterone.

I was just so stressed all the time about balding that I realized faketrans or no I’d do a lot to stop having to worry

Gaining consciousness at 11

I didn’t really learn what “being trans” meant or what hrt was or what transitioning really entailed until I went off to college at 18 (consequences of growing up in a small, rural town) and then it took me another year after that to connect the dots (I am stupid, also I am old and social media hadn’t really taken over everyone’s lives to the degree it has now, so I spent way less time online).

Once I had that realization, I wasn’t able to ignore what I had been feeling anymore, but I thought it was over (at 19, which is tremendously idiotic, but I was kinda jacked pre-transition tbh).

A year goes by and my life crashed and burned (dropped out, no job, cut contact with pretty much everybody except my family). I was quickly approaching my 21st birthday and Trump had just taken office the first time, and it kinda hit me that I wasn’t getting any younger, these thoughts weren’t going away, and that the world was taking a bad turn, so I resolved to actually do something about it.

I ended up getting hrt off the internet at first because my mindset was like “if I don’t end up liking this or it doesn’t work out, I can just throw it away and no one will know”, but we can all see how that went. I ended up going the “official” route after my mom got to the mailbox before I did one time, but didn’t do anything beyond hrt for like a year because I just wasn’t ready. People started staring and acting weird and I was getting occasional “she/hers” like 3 months in though, so I started working on changing my name and documents after that.

I’m better than I was then in some ways, and worse or the same in others. Life has its ups and downs and you have to learn to roll with the punches.

extremely sneedy but from watching I Saw the TV Glow lmao

Realizing it was my last chance to not become a hon and that desires to be a woman will not stop

Not to sound like adolf sneedler but ISTTG