I can feel it. Racing thoughts. Irritability. Lowered inhibitions around suicidality. Others noticing me not acting like myself and expressing concern. Got like 3 hours of sleep last night and just kinda rolled around. Insight into my condition already waxing and waning. Songs stuck in my head play thru my ears like I have headphones on. I should be sleeping but forcing my eyes closed when the last thing I want to do is rest feels like torture. Maybe I should be temp-banned before I embarrass myself. Idk. I’ve been religiously taking my meds. Why must this happen now. Praying that it’s brief. Praying that it’s like a week. Idk I’ll just lie around. I must sleep while I still have enough sense to force myself. I must. Love y’all

    • t. choderOP
      1·
      9 days ago

      Idk I’m shaking I don’t wanna be hospitalized I don’t I’m not cisoid enough for that i dont wanna go i dont. last time this happened it was like 5 days and forcing myself to sleep shortened it to not br like the hell that was September but if it goes too deep and to long it could be it idk I need to talk to my therapist i don’t wanna lose all my grip.

      • Annaflll
        2·
        9 days ago

        I’m sorry, yes u should consult w someone who is knowledgeable if they are helpful. Please be safe, best of luck to u 🫂

    • t. choderOP
      1·
      9 days ago

      <3 appreciated naz I really should be sleeping but I’m just kinda shaking and refreshing seeing if any familiar faces pop in and give me encouragement idk I was doing okayish 2026 I’m so sad. had a really bad one end of last year I just don’t want it to be like that I want it to pass mixed episodes are so archonic but I’m gonna try really hard to keep my head straight

      • somethingnazar
        2·
        9 days ago

        it’s okay you will get through this. try to distract yourself if you can. do you need someone to talk to right now?

        • t. choderOP
          1·
          9 days ago

          Goodd idea tbh friend in other timezone has been notified. Probs waiting on her to wake up in like another hour but she gets if I’m still awake she’ll be good help we go way back