Probably nottttttt
Why
I think I care more about being perceived as normal socially than I care about being a woman, and I think large parts of my dysphoria these days are related to being uncomfortable with gendered expectations in general and not specifically related to being misgendered and whatnot.
When I look in the mirror I see broad shoulders, but I also see skinny arms and wide feminine hips, and I just think I look like a weird pudgy freak. If I detrooned and put effort into working out and skincare even after detrooning, I’m sure I would be really handsome. I don’t even care about that in the sense of finding someone to date, I just want to be confident in my self and my body, and it feels impossible as a tranny.
If you dislike having wide shoulders and feminine hips what do you want to look like
I dislike the fact that I have both, I would rather have one of another and it feels easier to go back to being a man. I think my quality of life was the highest when I was like 6-12 months into HRT and boymoding.
I guess I don’t really want to be wide in general. I don’t really know what I want to look like, I guess I just want to look semi-attractive and normal.
Well why did you transition in the 1st place? Did you not dislike being a man? It sounds like you just dislike positive androgyny
I started developing a lot of gender dysphoria when I was like 12 or something. I hated the changes that were starting to happen to me, I feel like they destroyed my body and put me in a different social category from the girls I used to be friends with. I also hated the hen-pecking, fighting and ego obsession that came with being a guy. I also didn’t like and still don’t like some of the effects of testosterone, like the body hair and the rougher skin, having a defined jaw, being tall and having wide shoulders. I think now I’d be okay with my face and being tall if I was going to detroon.
Growing up with zero positive male role models probably didn’t help either, so I learned to associate maleness as something gross and bad. The guys in my life mostly just made me think “well I definitely don’t want to be that”, while a lot of the girls and women around me when I was growing up were genuinely really cool and I looked up to them a lot.
This is how I see it now, but for all the years I spent wishing I would wake up as a girl some day were all very real though.
I think when I finally transitioned I mostly did it because I hoped it would cure my dysphoria and make my brain calm down, and it did for a while until I was faced with having to actually try and live as a woman.
