it’s driving me nuts

like yeah we’re all mentally ill and delusional trannies who deny nature or whatever, but like

you all do so much cool shit despite all you’ve gone through and suffered, and you keep on going

you all are put in these scenarios where the world is actively against you, yet you persevere and fight out

you all do so much good for others (today u saw someone here say they DIYpilled their brother when he was 11 against their parents’ wishes, which, if necessary, i WISH i could do for my 16 year old sibling who has like a 45% chance of being an ftm repper), and yet you all still act humble on how good of a person you are

how? like how? i wish i could.

and i’m not saying this as a “we can do it!” post or whatever, it actually infuriates me

this is supposed to be loser land and yet i don’t see any losers here but myself. should i leave? what the fuck?

  • Lengthofdry1943
    3·
    1 month ago

    because you have to dump stat things that arent related to shit most people go through, and once you realize the world is a shite place you sort of build a tolerance to shiteness and want to pursue other things entirely.

      • Lengthofdry1943
        2·
        1 month ago

        skills, interests, the likes. if you have more time to chase interests due to things being barred or unavailable, people usually do that over just rotting in place, because you feel better knowing and achieving more.

        • malebrainedfinalbossOP
          1·
          1 month ago

          i have none of those three things that’s the thing

          and i have every reason and every want to pursue them

          and no barriers unlike everyone here

          yet i don’t

          • Lengthofdry1943
            2·
            1 month ago

            what exactly is stopping you, by your admission? emotional boundaries, because that can really dampen things starting out, as most interests start by passing, and then forcing yourself to read more. I used to set up aquariums so much that I figured out how to get one running just by sunlight and balancing nutrient introduction, just by learning how to do it. is there anything that has piqued your interest?

            • malebrainedfinalbossOP
              1·
              1 month ago

              i have interests that i gravitate in and out of to where i don’t really wanna do any of them until im not doing any of them, which is when i wanna do them all

              and skills i wanna learn that i stop and then immediately hate and stop and then wish i could go back to learning them

              and uni classes i wanna put effort into but actively feel like torture putting any modicum of effort into despite my vague interest in the material and how light they are difficulty wise

              this extends to comedic extents to me

              i consider myself someone who likes video games

              ive beaten like 5-7 single player games in the last six years. SEVEN

              why? because the act of actually playing through a VIDEO GAME (literal loser activity) is just as much of an accomplishment/task as gaining a new interest or learning a skill

              that’s how royally cooked i am

              this is even starting to happen for tv shows

              a “productive” day for me is when i remember to watch some of the show i promised someone id watch and also maybe play a game for a bit and, if i really wanna stretch it, do a single uni assignment

              THAT’S HOW ROYALLY COOKED I AM

              • Lengthofdry1943
                2·
                1 month ago

                then its just effort at this pont, and to sort of make it known, effort is required to change. it really gets to a point to where you get frustrated enough to start putting yourself in a sustainable growth period that slowly accumulates both skill AND the want to pursue it. you have to see that your hate is the only thing keeping you from breaking a barrier, and realize you are keeping yourself in a holding period. its not a bad thing, and its often what people go through in order to start making changes. its not supposed to be fun starting out, especially if you don’t expect it to be.

                • malebrainedfinalbossOP
                  1·
                  1 month ago

                  i am well aware

                  and the level of frustration i feel to myself continuously grows higher and higher

                  i simply wish i could put in the effort, the sustained effort like you said, to change

                  i’ve tried making excuses in the past “oh you’re probably depressed, oh you probably have adhd/autism, oh this or that” but they’re never gonna make anything change

                  the singular rope that dangles me over the pit of suicide yet also keeps me from falling in is my hope that i can someday put in the effort to change, and that i am always in control

                  • Lengthofdry1943
                    2·
                    1 month ago

                    first step for everything is awareness i suppose. i believe in you though, because you wouldn’t want different if you didn’t crave it. you got this! (•̀ᴗ•́ )و