I have probably in my life time accidently seen multiple video of women being raped without even noticing because what the fuck do you expect will happen when you abuse the mind of a teenger with unsupervised internet acess and they end up not even remembering the stuff they have seen because they have seen so much and been exposed so helplessly for such a long time and in such a violent invasive way to the product produced by an industry that systematically abuses and traffics and rapes people. I have seen so much stuff and been programmed by this shit so early on that I probably didnt even notice abuse that was depicted in this stuff… today is of course very different… but is it really different…
When I have seen the pictures of thousands of ripped apart bodies and dead children in war zones and turned away on purpose so that I dont end up going insane… just to make the images stop in my head… when I have seen so many dehumanizing things and depictions… Read about so much violence and suffering… seen so many self harm scares and people who kill themselves… see a video of some poor girl hanging herself… see all this insane shit and simply cannot look away…
And you ask me why I beleive that in the future you will have senseless terrorism… people blowing shit up and killing as many people as they can, not because they actually believe in something, but rather actually because they dont believe in anything… just going out there and hurting people because suffering and pain seems like the only real thing left… Simply the strongest impulse, capable of bringing you back into your body, when everything else seems to try to rip your soul out of you and tear you apart… when everyhing else is framgented…
I am not adovcating for violence in any form… I hate violence… but the world doesnt seem real… doesnt seem like it matters… nothing seems real or stable… only violence seems real… that truth is something not discovered but rather imposed by violence and might alone… that that which I impose by killing every opposing voice… that that is actually truth and meaning.
I am maybe too nihilistic… but the world just seems insane to me… and painful…
And I dont know how to get out of this mindset…
So sorry you saw these things. I did too at a young age. Still suffer from intrusive thoughts bc of that. But idk I don’t believe the world is that bad. The Internet and the news are just good at focusing on the bad things. Its basically just a bias.
We have just build a world that brings out the worst in people and puts the worst among us to the top. But people in general are mostly decent. And once you interact with many people you start to realize that. That was at least my experience. Maybe you had the opposite.
Idk if this is helpful. I hope maybe a bit at least
Thank you… it just feels like at a certain age… at a certain time… the world broke and since then we have all just been living in some sort of simulated torturuse limbo