I have been less active on tranistan.com the last few days… generally I’ve just been tired, sad, burned out and overwhelmed with university… yesterday I have not used tranistan. I only today found out about all the things that happened. It’s all really tragic and messed up and we all really need a break…

Personally I took care of myself two days ago and was able to lower dysphoria… maybe that’s the reason for why I feel the way I do right now…

Since I found 4tran my desire to transition and my dysphoria have been on an all time high but with everything going on and that has happened…

I’m not sure… I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense anymore… not using tranistant has not made me feel tremendously better but it prevented me from spiraling or obsessing because I was distracted and had to do stuff for university or simply distract myself with mind numbing entertainment or all that stuf… whatever… but I don’t feel okay anymore.

I feel like I don’t want to transition anymore because I don’t want to end up like all of you here… I don’t want to curse my life with misery… because you all have convinced me, blackpilled me that there is no such thing as trans joy, happiness without passing or generally any value to being trans. That it’s wrong.

Maybe I’m just less dysphoric right now… but because of everything that is happening… I just can’t stand it all anymore… if I quit thinking about it all or engaging with anything trans related… then the thoughts might go away… I hope they do… bcause you all made sure that i know that killing yourself is preferable to being trans…

I will probably still use this place… I’m not leaving but if this place is supposed to be a “community” then things really need to change for the better…