Not having a vagina feels so wrong… not having a penis would lowk also feel wrong… but at least if I experienced the other kind of wrongness I’d be able to look back on my life knowing I didn’t die without ever having a vagina… I don’t want to die without ever having had a vagina, without being able to reach down expecting a hole to be there and actually finding one there for once… but then I’d feel weird about the lack of a phallus… but at least I’dve been able to experience both before death, y’know? It almost feels as good as just getting to be fully all of myself at once, at least I wouldn’t be constructing myself into some futa-fetish freakthing that only a hentai gooner could love. Transmaxxing binarily would also just be beneficial… I wish I could just get srs and then encourage bottom-growth with topical T and a pump like an actual theyfab, but no… it couldn’t be. Maybe someday we can just grow vaginas in a lab, and I can have it inserted directly under my junk… it feels like kidding myself to hold out for that, but a part of me wants to believe… the slim chance I’ll see it in my lifetime holds me back from going beyond my orchiectomy. If actually good duosex surgery got made after I did this surgical binarycope transmaxxing thingy, idk how I’d cope. I feel paralyzed. I hate being a lavenderbrained retard sometimes. Picture unrelated
The chaser thing is so weird for me… cuz like in theory, it would be “less problematic” for the trannychasers of today to completely ignore binary trannies and just go for duosex trannies, yeah? And I have, like, an acute self-awareness of this, and I’ve been with chasery people, men especially, and these perverts still manage to make things feel awful and empty because I’m nothing but a novel phenotype for them to experiment with. Even given the shamefully large sample-size of pump-and-dump GAMP moids I’ve been with, I only ever got one self-admitted repper who was kinda abusive to commit to me… aha… I think t4t with my gf is saving me tho, but I do not know if her permissiveness of me getting the weird bottom-surgery has anything to do with her actually being completely okay with the idea of me having a high-maintenance closing axe-wound under my junk, as I suspect she just sees it as the price of loving someone with my particular brand of retardation… like idk, I’ve hardly seen non-futa gooners say anything but negative disgusted things about the idea of somebody having both, especially given the current state of the actually-existing surgery… like who am I kidding, she’d probably prefer if I just picked one side and stuck to it and is holding her tongue, and why would I blame her if it was so? That’d just mean her basic disgust mechanisms are in-tact, just like everyone else’s seems to be…
If it’s any consolation, genitalian relation is not the most important thing to a lot of people. I’d totally love a nullo, and in a non-chasery way… it’s also just a very well-done procedure these days imo… it actually does what it says it’ll do, for one. Very clean-looking outcome… you may have to deal with “doll fetish” people, yes… but idk… okay I might be grass-is-greener-ing rn I’m sorry lol I’m lowk jealous of every dysphoria-type distinct from mine because I feel uniquely disgusting…
Uggghhh, rant over, sorry, lol
Please don’t apologize for your rant! You seem to be one of the few people I can actually relate to somewhat :)
I told my gf about my idea for nullification and she also didn’t seem very happy I guess. I’m afraid, just like you, that she’s holding her tongue and hopes I will never do it. And that is what scares me. If she would be disgusted by it even tho she loves me so much, who could ever love me again without being disgusted yk?
But yea you’re probably right with that it’s not the most important thing for everybody. But still it seems very important to most. And my dating pool is already so incredibly tiny…