last part is so real… although im pretty sure i subconsciously avoided anything trans related. maybe i was scared… it took me so long to accept it. still think the worst mind poison was when i started being ‘woke’. i thought about the whole thing as just identifying. trans women are just male and identify as girls and thats valid! still probably subconsciously saw them as ugly men in dresses or the weird people on discord. and i didnt want to be like that obviously. thats also when i started coping by thinking that im just gender non conforming and thats valid etc. my dysphoria was constantly getting worse though even if at the time i didnt know it was dysphoria kinda leading to a massive breakdown which i vented to that trans friend i already knew at that time… i think sharing it with another person for the first time also made it suddenly become real to me and thats when i fully realised it