honestly real but future thinking is what saves the present self from more destruction you could muster. it hurt more from the hands of another person as it only reinforces the echo chamber within yourself, their slap resounding stronger and ricocheting off the already-present waves of hate. i think you would know this pain well, except its just your perogative not to see a person in the mirror because the self didnt offer future recompense. in other words, you might just hate yourself more, and i have no right to play anything but a warning.
You’re right… I talked about this with my therapist this week. I put myself in bad situations because I hate myself, and I hate myself because I put myself in bad situations.
because it is comfortable in a fucked up way. you reach for things you know the result of, because you can be certain in its downfall. i only wanted to make you aware of this because from your history you have shared it is clear this was self destruction from the start, and i knew you were aware of it, but we often ignore the right thing for the reasons of a made up mind. it is hard to know, and i commend you for seeing that, but i also want you to know i wouldnt have said anything if i hadnt cared enough to. you may come out of this worse than where you started, and i have a feeling you are sharing these things to rationalize your decision coming forward. i do not want you to hurt more than you already have.
honestly real but future thinking is what saves the present self from more destruction you could muster. it hurt more from the hands of another person as it only reinforces the echo chamber within yourself, their slap resounding stronger and ricocheting off the already-present waves of hate. i think you would know this pain well, except its just your perogative not to see a person in the mirror because the self didnt offer future recompense. in other words, you might just hate yourself more, and i have no right to play anything but a warning.
You’re right… I talked about this with my therapist this week. I put myself in bad situations because I hate myself, and I hate myself because I put myself in bad situations.
I’ve been stuck in this cycle for so many years…
because it is comfortable in a fucked up way. you reach for things you know the result of, because you can be certain in its downfall. i only wanted to make you aware of this because from your history you have shared it is clear this was self destruction from the start, and i knew you were aware of it, but we often ignore the right thing for the reasons of a made up mind. it is hard to know, and i commend you for seeing that, but i also want you to know i wouldnt have said anything if i hadnt cared enough to. you may come out of this worse than where you started, and i have a feeling you are sharing these things to rationalize your decision coming forward. i do not want you to hurt more than you already have.
Thank you…
please look out for yourself. thats all i can ask. if you need to talk, or are just feeling down, you can message me.