because it is comfortable in a fucked up way. you reach for things you know the result of, because you can be certain in its downfall. i only wanted to make you aware of this because from your history you have shared it is clear this was self destruction from the start, and i knew you were aware of it, but we often ignore the right thing for the reasons of a made up mind. it is hard to know, and i commend you for seeing that, but i also want you to know i wouldnt have said anything if i hadnt cared enough to. you may come out of this worse than where you started, and i have a feeling you are sharing these things to rationalize your decision coming forward. i do not want you to hurt more than you already have.