(THIS IS A REPOST OF SOMETHING I POSTED A FEW DAYS AGO ON THE SUB, REPOSTING TO SEE IF I’LL GET BETTER ANSWERS HERE, DELETE IF REPOSTS AREN’T ALLOWED)
what if i have no interest in killing myself or in dying (and i dont, i very much do not want to die) but i have rationally and logically concluded that i should?
i was originally going to make a giant long explanation on what my logic or rationale for it is, and how doing so is the best compromise for all parties involved (for me and for the people in my family who love me) taking into account what i am and am not, but im kinda too lazy to (at least rn) and i think the hypothetical may be more interesting
i dont want to die, but i think i should. is that kind of sentiment a bad thing? can it be countered even if the logic is airtight? (asking here because it directly connects to be trans)
with no details it’s hard to reach a conclusion. often what appears to be logical at some point in time is actually clouded by an altered mental state that someone might not even realize. in the end though, you’re just not supposed to kill yourself because humans are alive, and living things are supposed to keep living. I can’t think of a situation where there is genuinely no alternative to suicide when it comes to harm reduction.
i’m currently not suicidal though, that’s the thing
i have been in the past, and my logic on this issue was the same both then and now. the only difference is that now i have the irrational will to not die in me, something i didn’t have during the suicidal episodes
whether or not you’re actively wanting to commit suicide, believing it would be better if you were dead is classified as suicidal ideation
it’s a bit different than that, right now i’m at the peak but it’s impossible for this to continue
i have three vague paths ahead: -continue rep, eventually get married within the bounds of the culture & become a father/husband (must get off hrt by then), this is guaranteed to make me actively suicidal -fight for my freedom and autonomy, ignoring the fact that i don’t know how to do this and basically can’t, even if i do i’ll irrevocably damage the lives of so many people simply by being who i wish to be -kill myself before either choice is properly made, grief for those who love me but it’s normal-type of grief and they’ll feel better remembering me as who they wish i was
the actual best choice for everyone is for time to freeze and for this weird middle existence to continue, but that won’t happen. the second best choice is for my mind to be broken to the extent where i am able to get of hrt and rep without becoming actively suicidal, but that won’t happen either. suicide then is the best apparent option, but there’s probably other things too i may not be considering
i guess i think that theres not really any way the logic for dying can be ‘airtight’ since u can never know all the possibilities that could occur afterward, like a butterfly effect sort of thing. im absolutely of the opinion that people should be allowed to die, but i think that the desire to die would be the primary determining factor; whatever the cause, the choice should be made based on intrinsic experience rather than extrinsic factors, i think? idk if that makes sense. in other words i guess i would say that someone with the converse ultimatum to yours would be the candidate for dying, i.e., someone who thinks “i want to die, but i don’t think i should”, because i think being compelled to live only out of guilt or obligation is wrong. obviously that has a lot of complicated material implications but idk at the very least i dont think that kind of sentiment is a ‘bad thing’ per se; it may or may not be healthy to have that on your mind all the time, but you arent doing anything wrong by thinking or talking about it. i think its a really interesting question and im sorry you are dealing with it. i have been there too.
that makes a lot of sense actually
thank you for this perspective, i never thought of it like that
I think the issue is the logic leading to suicide is heavily flawed, especially upon factoring in other parties that care for you and have to live with the grief of your suicide for the rest of their lives.
I think it’s just a trick suicidal people pull on themselves to make them think others will be objectively better off with them gone.
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i’m well aware of the grief part, but here’s the thing
i’d rather they remember me as their son whom they loved very much and was the world to them that was tragically taken from them by the West/Trans Cult or whatever, than having them know of me as a grotesque monster who abandoned and betrayed everyone else for the sake of my delusions
get what i mean?
I get what you’re saying but I still don’t think it justifies suicide.
why not?
Just sounds like total apathy to me :( stay safe
i don’t wanna die though, it’s not really apathy
