Perhaps these aren’t even OCD thoughts but something to actually be concerned about?
There was a time when I temporarily detransitioned out of safety and during that time over the span of 4 months there were 2 instances where I thought I wanted to detransition and that I’m actually a cis man and I genuinely convinced myself for a day im actually a cis man and not a woman. Both times were related to me losing my family and not being able to be a parent and that caused me to spiral into me hating HRT because I thought it ruined my chances at a normal life even though I really like the effects of it now after 7 months on estrogen. I think I also thought I wouldn’t be living as myself if I detransitioned but I don’t exactly remember and that could easily be a false memory so take that with a grain of salt.
I haven’t had any regrets taking HRT so far, I did have a couple of mornings where I thought “hmm that looks weird, do I really like this?” but those thoughts quickly went away. They were more like “oh that’s new” kind of thoughts when I saw my chest but like overall im enjoying breast growth. I am overall looking forward to most of the changes but I am still kinda scared I even had those thoughts in the first place.
Has anyone else had a phase where these things happened to them at one point? I feel I am kinda alone in this all and that these aren’t normal thoughts to have. Like obviously this is explainable when I imagined myself in a scenario where I couldn’t transition because I was too scared to lose family but I still don’t know if these are normal thoughts or not. I started spiraling after reading about someone detransitioning on r/4t4 maybe this is OCD acting up again and setting doubts in my mind.
it could all be consistent with OCD including OCD being the thing that’s driving you to worry about this and question things and choose to make the post to get reassurance. everyone has doubts and it depends person to person what the threshold is for doubts before choosing not to do something. but what you specified doesn’t sound all that bad. ive spent many days completely confident that im just a cis man but i keep taking hrt (or in your case you got back on it after temp detransition). Your motivation/decision to take hrt is coming from a more primitive place in your brain than the part that’s questioning things, so the consistency of the fact that you’re on it now and have been for 7 months despite questioning things, can be seen as good evidence for the case that you are trans. sorry for rambling
No it’s ok, I genuinely appreciate the comment. I like detailed comments way more than vague ones.
I had an OCD phase before getting on HRT where my brain was telling me “what if I’m cis” and whenever I would prove I am cis I would get sad over not being able to transition. Though most of my desires to transition at the time were social, they kind of developed into more physical ones. I don’t know how common that is, I was basically a non-dysphoric before trooning out. Perhaps this is just another OCD thought.
i think so cause i have the same thoughts with my OCD basically, i doom sometimes about how i didn’t have any dysphoria, until i started wanting to transition just because it sounded nice, and things developed gradually which is obviously “proof” that it’s all fake because i wanted to be like real troons with real dysphoria and faked dysphoria till i got real dysphoria or something. ive had ocd about being trans basically the whole time, i hope since it went away for you, you’ll be able to continue to avoid this theme cause it’s not fun…
I still have these thoughts unfortunately even after 7 months. It’s not a fun theme at all but I do try to catch any OCD feelings and try to identify them so I can learn to no longer pay any attention to them or indulge in them.