i don’t mean like, something transformative to your identity or sense of self. i mean, has anyone else experienced something where it feels like you’re a completely new person who did not exist before with no relation to whom you putatively used to be?
i was curious if anyone shared something like this since everyone here’s broken, but i didn’t feel i could ask when i was a known quantity.
i’ve had stretches of time where i was depersonalized, stretches of time where i was disassociated. i can recognize these and they come and go. they were especially prevalent between when i became a different person and when i came out.
this was something that felt entirely different, at least in magnitude. nearly everything about me changed instantly. it was as if some higher dimensional demon reached down and rearranged my brain. i don’t really recognize myself as i was before it as myself, and i’ve never been even similar to that person. it only happened once, and i’m changed so far. i can’t tell you if i’ll change back for sure, but i’m fairly confident i won’t.
mmmh i’ve never had it like that
does it feel like you somehow just are a different person, or are there ‘quantifiable’ things that changed?
in those stretches of time my goals and opinions are shifted. the degree im working towards and am rly motivated about seems useless and i rearranged some decor and paintings cause i thought it looked bad lol. only to change it all back again when i was back to normal me. feels like im working against myself on some things
all of my interests vanished and i stopped talking to all of my friends. i used to watch a lot of anime and play a lot of video games before. after, nothing. i eventually got into linguistics and from there into indigenous language revitalization. and i picked up math. this happened during my last year of middle school. i stopped going to school for some period of time i don’t remember. i think it was two weeks ish to four weeks ish. all i did was cry in bed and cry at my computer. i didn’t really feel like i wasn’t myself in any way then immediately after, i was just too miserable to feel anything else. it was a little after where i realized that there was some type of discontinuity in my life story. this could be part of a disassociative episode, but it’s last many years and has had a plethora of small disassociative subepisodes. so idk.
thanks for painting a picture of what it feels like to you. i can honestly only empathise to it a little bit, it’s quite different and more sporadic for me, not a clear cut in my life